


you're the highlight of my lowlife

by superheroau



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F, Friends With Benefits, Strangers to Lovers, but maybe not exactly the usual dynamic, sugar mommy au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:28:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26808115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superheroau/pseuds/superheroau
Summary: seungwan needs money, and sooyoung has plenty. one broke med student plus one repressed heiress is obviously a recipe for success.
Relationships: Park Sooyoung | Joy/Son Seungwan | Wendy
Comments: 55
Kudos: 304





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i'm back! :) sorry to be absent for a while again- hopefully this will end up worth your wait.
> 
> [[crossposted on AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1461104/)]

seungwan isn’t entirely sure why she’s here.

see, she doesn’t like clubs that much. they usually get too loud, the too-loud music usually isn’t that good, and there are always too many people pushing their way around. even here, in one of the most respectable establishments she could dare to set foot in, most of the space inside is taken up by a heaving crowd.

to make all of that doubly annoying, she’s also rather small. there’s just no fighting back against any of that when you’re small.

seulgi did insist she would be generous when she asked seungwan to come out with her tonight, though, with that sort of dead-set, half-crazed shine in her eyes that she gets when they’ve just finished cramming for over a week straight. she couldn’t exactly say no to that.

or to seulgi’s pleading gaze, which she’s had years to hone with seungwan as the hapless guinea pig.

seungwan has to admit, even if she isn’t having the time of her life, it’s amazing to be a few drinks in without a single care about her bank account so far. _la rouge_ , as befitting of its name, is quite the classy place, hazily shrouded in ambient light that’s just the right shade of red to feel… sexy. excitingly mysterious.

unfortunately, it’s become a bit of a hindrance now. seulgi’s melted into the mass of people around the dance floor, having given up after several unsuccessful attempts to drag seungwan out onto it with her. despite a good few minutes searching and squinting through the crimson-tinted crowd, the red light blurring the shadows of everyone’s faces together into one amorphous blob, seungwan has to admit that she’s now completely lost track of her best friend.

“seulgi-yah!” seungwan calls. drink in hand, she frowns into the pulsing crowd around her, people edging past her to get back to places at the bar or hit the dance floor. “kang seulgi,” she says, voice fading to a reproachful mumble, “you _dummy_ , where did you…?”

the beat subtly thrumming everywhere is unsettling, like it’s shaking her brain around in her skull. sloshing it against the inside of her head.

seungwan promptly decides that she’s not drunk enough for this, and turns to head back to the bar.

they came here together. her conscience isn’t going to let seulgi just leave on her own. but if her best friend ditches her to go grind on some strangers, seungwan isn’t above putting whatever more she can manage on seulgi’s tab as revenge. an eye for an eye, or whatever it is.

but just as seungwan’s a few steps away from her destination, someone shoulders past her, hard. enough to send her stumbling forward and send her drink spilling everywhere.

“hey, watch where you’re going!” seungwan scowls, stumbling back upright. “dick.”

at least she didn’t get much all over herself, just a few drops splattered on her shoes, but people really need to be a little more considerate nowadays.

someone right in front of her clears their throat. very pointedly. and very loudly, considering seungwan manages to catch it over the music.

she looks up to meet the sound. very slowly.

oh-

“shit,” she squeaks, “oh shit, i’m so sorry,” because she’s looking right into the curious eyes of the most gorgeous girl she’s ever seen.

who also happens to have seungwan’s drink all over her sleeveless white shirt.

they just gawk at each other for a few seconds, seungwan wide-eyed and frozen, until the girl grins at her. there’s an impossible gleam to it that speaks of a person, and a life, altogether different from seungwan’s own.

“well, that got my attention,” mystery girl says with a laugh. “i don’t think anyone’s managed that so well before.”

“i’m sorry,” seungwan repeats, “that outfit looks really nice and expensive, and you look, um, beautiful in it, and i didn’t mean to- ”

she stops. takes a breath to compose herself.

“can we get some _napkins_ here, please,” she says, a little desperately. the bartender nods in amusement and hands a wad of them over to the girl, who looks at seungwan for a long moment before turning back to him.

“hey, taeyong oppa.” the girl smiles at him sweetly. “could you get cutie over here a refill, too? put her on my tab.”

_cutie over here?_

the bartender raises an eyebrow with a fashionable slit in it. “sure thing,” he says, but there’s an unspoken question in his eyes that seungwan can’t figure out. it makes her nervous. everything about this girl is making her nervous and it’s only been thirty seconds.

“sit,” the girl invites, motioning at the miraculously empty barstool next to her as she dabs seungwan’s drink off herself. “please.”

“what- i mean, sure. absolutely.” seungwan hops up onto the seat. it’s high enough that doing that takes her some actual effort to pull off. “i’m sorry about your shirt,” she says again, feeling a little like a broken record. the girl waves it off as, despite having never been told her order, taeyong slides seungwan a neatly refilled cup of exactly what she’s been sipping at all night.

“accidents happen,” comes a vague response. “but i think us running into each other is a happy one. what’s your name?”

“right! right,” seungwan says, “i’m seungwan,” holding out a hand after she finishes stumbling over her words. the other girl shakes with a grip so firm it’s a little intimidating. as if seungwan wasn’t already at a disadvantage here with how her legs dangle off of this barstool like she’s ten years old.

another freakishly bright smile comes her way.

“you can call me joy.”

there’s something thrilling about how joy is looking at her. her eyes hold a keen interest that makes seungwan’s heart skip a few beats. it’s almost a little concerning, in that seungwan doesn’t know _what_ it is that joy is so excited by.

count in the red lighting casting dark and wild shadows all over her face, and she looks positively terrifying.

“i really am sorry,” seungwan starts again, but pauses to reconsider after joy gives her an unimpressed look. “last apology, i promise,” she adds hastily. “i’m sure you came here for a good time, not, uh, that, so if i can make up for it somehow…”

“don’t worry about it,” joy says cheerfully. “since we’re talking, actually, i have a question for you. can i ask you something, seungwan-ssi?”

“sure?” seungwan agrees, hesitant. “shoot.”

“if you had to guess who i had my eye on in this place tonight,” joy continues, “for a good time, like you said, who would you pick?”

it’s an odd question, but seungwan has nothing better to do right now, and joy is very nice to look at. much nicer than staring down blankly into her drink, or the space around the bar.

“i’ll bite,” seungwan allows. “but i’m kinda buzzed. give me a second.” she narrows her eyes into a focused squint, scanning the immediate area. joy watches her with amused anticipation.

it feels like there’s an answer she’s supposed to give, but she’s very much unaware of it. there’s not too many people in sight that aren’t on the dance floor, and she’s not sure what would constitute joy’s… type. at the very least, it would have to be someone at a similar level of ridiculously good-looking.

seungwan thinks over her options. even though it seems like joy already knows him, the bartender looks like her best bet. he’s got the face for it. very symmetrical. almost _too_ symmetrical, actually.

“how about- ”

“you.”

seungwan’s eyes widen. 

“huh?”

joy seems very satisfied at the immediate deer-in-headlights reaction. “you,” she repeats. “you’re the one i’ve been watching.”

“do you always do that bars,” seungwan counters without thinking, “just watch people? isn’t that kind of creepy?”

“i like to look at people who catch my interest,” joy says, matter-of-fact. “it’s hard to accomplish, you know. i have high standards. but you’ve managed it so very fast.”

she has a look on her face like she’s about to reach out and pinch seungwan’s cheeks or something. like she thinks seungwan is the cutest little thing she’s ever seen.

like she could just eat her up.

“wait,” seungwan says incredulously. she’s definitely drunker than she thought. “hold on. waiiiit a second.”

joy waits.

seungwan stares at her.

“are you actually trying to hit on me right now?”

“would you like it if i said i was?” joy counters. seungwan pretends to consider it for a few seconds.

the comments are blunt, completely unprompted, and they make her feel strange. but joy knows what she wants- which, god only knows why, happens to be seungwan- and she knows how to go for it. the sheer boldness of it is oddly flattering. 

apparently it’s also oddly arousing, if the heat starting to bloom through her is anything to judge by.

“honestly, i’d love it,” she sighs, half to herself, because she really, really would, and takes a long and drawn-out sip of her drink to keep herself from talking more.

“let’s say i am, then,” joy says agreeably. the lazily inviting tone of her voice has seungwan finally swallowing, setting her glass back down on the bar a little too hard. she’s not wasted or anything, but she’s definitely had a good deal to drink. the buzz is getting to her head, blurring everything until all she can focus on is joy in front of her.

maybe a year or two ago, when she hadn’t spent all her time drowning in medical school and expenses instead of being around people, she could have played this game with joy properly. been a fun opponent, even.

but right now, she’s just drunk and lonely, and joy is ridiculously pretty in a way that makes her not know what to do with herself. the girl’s skirt pulls tightly over her crossed thighs in just the right way as she leans in closer, lips curved up charming and wolfish.

it’s then that seungwan hits the point of no return.

“i have a question for you too, actually,” she says abruptly. “if you don’t mind.”

joy’s grin widens. “ask away.”

“i mean, not to be too forward,” seungwan continues, unable to stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth, “because i’m loving the conversation, and the flirting, but i’m just, um, curious? you know. about when you’re planning on taking me home?”

joy’s face falls in surprise and she stares at her, teasing forgotten.

uh oh.

seungwan wants to sink into the floor and disappear. sure, she had expected herself to blurt out something a little brave, maybe even a little exciting, but that was more of a _private_ thought-

“do you really want to go home with me?” joy says softly, like she can’t quite believe it herself. seungwan nods, face hot with embarrassment. her eyes stay fixed on the other girl sliding off her chair and leaning towards her slowly, and a tiny shiver rolls over her when warm fingers brush against hers.

“you can use your words,” joy invites. her body is warm and solid and up close between seungwan’s legs, too close to be safe. seungwan exhales shakily.

as the long breath leaves her, so does all that’s left of her inhibitions.

oh, what the hell.

“i wanna go home with you,” she repeats, voice a little too loud, and joy smiles that megawatt smile again. 

“then let’s get out of here.”

(dimly, seungwan thinks she would do just about anything to see that smile again after tonight.)

  
  


when seungwan wakes up, she’s alone, in a bed that isn’t hers.

that fact doesn’t properly sink in until she realizes how _soft_ everything is. the mattress is a hundred times more plump and comfortable than what she’s used to, and the sheets she’s wrapped up in are unbelievably silky. like lying in clouds.

she yanks her arms free of her blanket prison in an attempt to sit bolt upright, but the sudden action sends a spike of pain into her, seemingly straight through her brain. her mouth tastes rancid and her head hurts. a _lot_.

a large window takes up the wall space nearby- the source of the incredible brightness that’s boring into her skull- and the rest of the room around her is shiny and crisp, obviously not hers. she’s definitely never seen it before, and has nowhere near the amount of… whatever it is that rich people see in each other that would get her into a bedroom this fancy, naked and tangled up in someone’s 500 thread count sheets.

wait, she’s _naked_. and sore, in places she hasn’t been sore in a while.

hazy memories start to materialize in her mind at the realization. most of them involve complaining to seulgi that she didn’t want to go out last night, but she’s suddenly struck dumb by a rush of phantom sensations. a warm, possessive grip at her waist, a satisfied purr sounding low by her ear. and the vaguest recollection of- of a sort of rushing, fumbling...

seungwan swallows, the odd thought forgotten as her cheeks heat up.

right. joy. that happened.

there’s a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin on the nightstand by the bed. seungwan gratefully downs a dose in one gulp, casting her eyes around her surroundings warily. 

once she works up the willpower to actually get up, she finds out there’s also a bathroom connected to this bedroom. the wall just inside has multiple unlabeled switches on it, and seungwan ends up accidentally turning on ventilation _and_ heating that whirs just within the ceiling before successfully hitting the lights.

they’re bright and white, and reflect so aggressively off the bathroom’s polished tile that they nearly blind her for a second. seungwan turns to the mirror to examine herself properly, only to stumble to a halt at how every single mark of the last night is laid bare under the revealing light. 

small patches of tender, darkened flesh dot her neck and collarbone in the mirror. they’re haphazardly scattered, no real rhyme or reason to them. 

seungwan gives one a ginger prod. inhales sharply despite herself at the barely-there ache of it.

she doesn’t mean to be too nosy, but sitting on the counter among different creams and skincare things are some expensive-looking bottles- perfume, looks like- and they’re just so _shiny_. it’s so tempting. seungwan can’t resist picking one up before she moves on, letting out a light mist that settles delicately on her face. memories start to come together again at the familiar, subtly fruity scent.

she thinks of joy, poised and perfect, listening to her intently. edging closer and closer until seungwan could smell this very perfume on her. her fingers circling around seungwan’s wrist and leading her away from the bar, out of la rouge and into the street.

seungwan wonders if she should feel troubled that she could have been murdered last night without so much as a _met someone, see you tomorrow_ text as her last words.

in the end, though, she’s not dead. that’s what counts.

the money-coated gleam all around her is actually starting to become bothersome now. a small knot of discomfort twists gently in seungwan’s belly at how _clean_ it all is, like there should be _do not touch_ signs posted around the place as reminders. she decides her next step before making a hasty exit is to gather her clothes, which... have been neatly folded and laid out for her on top of the nearby dresser. how polite. 

as she moves, seungwan takes a moment to peer out of the nearly floor-to-ceiling window in the room. not only is the glass of it somehow pristine and dust-free, the buildings visible beyond are glittering and entirely too tall, with what looks like a busy downtown street far below. this is the luxurious part of the city, no doubt about it. might as well be in a different world.

a muffled _clunk_ sounds from somewhere while she gets dressed. seungwan freezes for a second at the sign of life outside the room- she’d almost forgotten that someone else was probably still here.

when the smell of food starts wafting in through the cracked-open bedroom door, her grumbling stomach has her yanking on her shirt in a hurry and heading into the hallway, covert escape forgotten.

joy is standing in the kitchen, a shiny and modern space that nearly rivals the size of seungwan’s bedroom at home. it looks like there might be an apron tied over her front, but her back is turned. seungwan just gets an eyeful of skin because she’s dressed down, in a simple black bra and panties.

the first thing that comes to mind is, joy’s ass is so nice and shapely it’s kind of infuriating. people shouldn’t be allowed to be this rich and look that _fit_ at the same time. her proportions invite just as much envy, complimented by flawless skin. 

joy turns as she hears someone else approaching, and unsurprisingly, her face is even better in broad daylight. delicate and doll-like with a pretty cupid’s bow mouth, framed by shiny black hair that looks straight out of a shampoo commercial.

it’s actually almost painful to look at her head-on. like trying to stare directly into the sun.

“seungwan-ssi.” joy smiles, wide and toothy and surprisingly innocent-looking. “good morning. do you like eggs?” she offers, holding out a plate, and seungwan looks down at it, greeted by the sight of a freshly made omelet. it’s warm, so fresh it’s still steaming lightly, and smells amazing.

“sure,” she says dazedly, “i love eggs,” and joy nods and sets the plate down at a convenient place on the counter. as seungwan climbs onto a ridiculously high, kind of uncomfortably modern stool by the counter, she tugs her apron off and moves to stand across from her, just watching silently as seungwan wolfs down her breakfast.

there’s a smile playing on her lips as she looks at seungwan. thankfully, it’s not creepy, just… charmed. like someone looking at a particularly cute, oblivious baby animal.

a good sign? probably not. but this food is delicious.

“thank you,” seungwan eventually says, once she’s set down her fork for the first time since she was handed the now-empty plate. “for the aspirin, and laying everything out for me. and for breakfast. it was really nice of you, you didn’t have to- i’m feeling a lot better now.”

“no problem,” joy hums. “i liked getting to treat you a little.”

seungwan stiffens at that, because joy is now rounding the corner of the counter and approaching her, which she imagines is just how it feels to be stalked by a large, hungry jungle cat.

“i, uh, appreciate it,” she stutters, feeling arms wrap around her waist and suddenly becoming very conscious of her lack of pants, “but i need to- i should probably get going- ”

joy only tightens her embrace, body nearly bare and pressed up warmly against seungwan’s back. “aw,” she sighs, nuzzling at seungwan’s hair. she actually sounds disappointed. “but i’d been hoping for a little more time...”

“i, i’ve got a roommate to come back to,” seungwan says, grasping weakly at joy’s forearms. “she’s probably worried sick about me. see, i don’t usually do...” she waves a hand vaguely. “this?”

“going home with sexy strangers?” joy suggests playfully, releasing seungwan from her grasp. seungwan nods and doesn’t question her as she hops off the chair.

“going home with any strangers. or hanging out with strangers. really, she thinks i don’t leave the house enough,” seungwan says, practically stumbling over her own feet in her haste to get back into the bedroom, away from joy. “i’m just going to go get dressed now, okay?”

mercifully, joy doesn’t follow her.

seungwan finally ends up finding her phone, once it buzzes angrily from her bag in a corner of the room. a ton of missed calls and text notifications pop up on the screen the second she turns it on, going from drunken key smashing to the _wan-ah please say you’re alive before i call the police or something :(_ that she just got.

her battery’s at 17%... if she’s very conservative starting from right at this moment, it should be enough to last the trip home. hopefully. however long that takes.

shit, she really has no clue where she is right now.

sighing, seungwan sends a _met someone last night, still alive + coming back!!_ and a bunch of apologetic hearts and emojis that are sure to calm seulgi down, at least for a little.

joy offers to drive her home. seungwan finds herself very glad to have accepted that offer once they’re in joy’s car, a sleek and dark thing with a silvery mercedes-benz logo on the front grill, because she definitely would have had trouble getting home from this expensive, bustling area on her own. that, and she’s pretty sure her bus pass expired a day or two ago.

the ride is awkward, news playing quietly on the radio to fill up the silence. seungwan twiddles her thumbs in her plush leather seat, fixes her eyes on the buildings passing outside the tinted windows, and feels a distinct sense of not belonging in this car with this girl in any way.

a few times, she thinks she feels joy’s eyes on her, but every time she turns her head joy is focused on driving.

she does catch something else, though. whenever someone does something stupid on the road, or they get caught in a spot of traffic, joy’s face sours with this comically disapproving pout, a little wrinkle forming between her eyebrows. it’s such a small, human thing. it makes her look almost like a petulant kid instead of the untouchable goddess she clearly is.

when they get to her apartment building, seungwan pauses. the highrise is dull and grimy, just one in a forest of others towering over the area. nothing special, especially not to someone so well off.

she’s not really sure what to say with that looming over her.

“thanks again,” is what she settles on. joy nods, but reaches out to grab seungwan’s wrist just as she makes to open the door.

when seungwan turns around joy is leaning over and kissing her. her lips are soft and plush and she tastes like the cloying mint of toothpaste, and seungwan could probably make out with her in this car forever, leaning awkwardly over the gear stick.

“go,” joy says when they pull apart, voice low, and seungwan doesn’t need telling twice. she belatedly turns to wave once she’s a few steps out of the car, but joy’s already pulling away.

well, that’s her little adventure over and done with.

with a sigh, seungwan turns to the door of her building and goes in to face the music.

  
  


“son seungwan!” seulgi exclaims as seungwan walks in. “i texted you like a hundred times last night and you never answered! what were you doing? how _busy_ did you get, seriously?”

seungwan makes a face at her, kicking off her shoes in the entryway with a huff. “come on, it was just a hookup,” she says. “don’t act like you’ve never done it before.” seulgi only shakes her head.

“i was freaking out, okay,” she says, holding her hands up. “i’m just glad you got here in one piece.” her face brightens. “but look at you getting all out of your comfort zone! first i see you talking to _joy park_ at the bar last night and now you’ve spent the night with some random guy? like- ”

“it was- wait.” seungwan stops. frowns. “you know her? joy, i mean?”

“people talk about her,” seulgi says mysteriously. “how’d you two end up running into each other?”

“i spilled my drink on her. had to apologize.” seungwan runs a hand through her hair, in an attempt to hide her dread at seemingly being so out of the loop. “what, is she some kind of big deal?”

“she’s money, wan-ah,” seulgi says in a stage whisper. “big, big money. her family’s in with one of those huge corporations, so she’s young but super rich. with a reputation.”

“a reputation for what,” seungwan prompts, even though she’s already starting to guess.

“she hangs around looking scary hot,” seulgi explains helpfully. “places like where we went to, all the other student haunts everyone knows. letting guys try to come to her, if they dare.” she wiggles her eyebrows- or does her best to, anyway, in typical seulgi fashion. “a real vixen.”

“she was pretty scary up close,” seungwan admits, and seulgi nods sympathetically.

“you said you spilled something on her? i would have had a heart attack.” she shudders. “imagine if she sued you for staining her clothes or something.”

“she was nice, though,” seungwan insists. “it wasn’t that bad. she was just super pretty and it intimidated me, you know?”

“i know that voice,” seulgi says, narrowing her eyes. seungwan gives her a look. “no, seriously. apparently she’s like a total ice queen. that’s not the kind of person someone like you should be around.”

seungwan frowns. “you sure about that?”

“classroom gossip exchange is serious business,” seulgi chides. “i’ve heard guys talk about getting her number like it’s the stuff of legend.”

“really now,” seungwan says distractedly.

she thinks back to the joy she currently knows of, forward yet also… surprisingly polite. offering her breakfast, whining and trying to coax her back to bed. maybe seungwan saw something nobody else has ever had the chance to yet.

or maybe she’s reading into things too much like a fool. much more likely.

“you okay?” seulgi sounds concerned. her eyes are zeroing in on somewhere just underneath seungwan’s face.

“fine,” seungwan says hastily, trying not to draw attention to the couple of hickeys she now realizes seulgi can definitely see, but it’s already too late.

“wow, you had a _really_ good time,” seulgi says with a grin. “lucky you. who was it?”

“doesn’t matter.” seungwan sighs, thinks of joy’s mouth hot and overeager on her neck. “it was nothing. nobody special.”

“are you sure?” seulgi lets out a suspicious _hmm_. “you’re not the type to go home with just anyone...”

“it was nobody,” seungwan repeats firmly, and turns away to end the conversation.

  
  


the next few weeks pass like all the weeks before them. seungwan sits through classes, scurries home to heat something up while she pores over the coursework that’s hounded her all the way out of the classroom, and passes out. and rinses and repeats every day, ad nauseam.

one thing is different, though. now, her days are regularly interrupted by thoughts of joy. joy’s intent gaze, joy’s warm, wandering hands, joy’s pretty mouth.

some carefully placed questions and strategic topic switches mid-conversation with friends seemed to confirm what seulgi told her. while any kind of personal profile belonging to the girl seemed completely nonexistent on social media, it was definitely _the_ joy park, destroyer of male egos, that had led her home. and _the_ joy park who, if the aftermath was anything to judge by, totally ravished her. 

but why? why on earth would she-

seungwan still finds herself curious, even though she knows this is bad. to be thinking like this about some random one night stand, about _nobody_ \- really, really bad.

bad enough that seungwan eventually finds herself headed for the club again, after one of her labs ends just late enough that she’s heading home during nightlife hours.

she tells herself she doesn’t know why her feet are taking her there. she’s worn out and damn near dying of hunger, and it’s not exactly right along the way home. 

deep down, though, she can’t lie to herself.

she wants to find her again.

her composure breaks when she gets there, crumbling to pieces as she stares up at the red rose and curling lettering of _la rouge_ drawn in neon above the entrance. at a glance, the place seems to be as crowded and unpleasant as it was that night, except now bass pounds in it so heavily seungwan feels it in her bones just standing outside. 

yet her curiosity keeps her from just walking away, warring with her common sense for a good few minutes.

maybe joy isn’t what people seem to think, but is seungwan actually going to burn herself up wondering about someone who probably doesn’t care about her? besides, what is she going to do if she finds her, sleep with her again? 

it would be nice enough, sure. the more impulsive side of her is already cheering at the thought. but in all likelihood, another night with joy wouldn’t really accomplish anything. nothing meaningful, at least. seungwan isn’t so naive as to think someone like joy is looking for any kind of commitment.

she has a meager life and an M.D. in progress to get back to, anyway. maybe some things just aren’t worth the trouble.

she’s just turned to keep walking back to her apartment when she bumps into someone headed away from the club.

“seungwan-ssi?” a familiar voice says.

seungwan freezes.

of course. 

of _course_ she actually had to show up.

“joy-ssi,” she greets, forcing a polite smile onto her face as she looks up. “hello. didn’t think i would see you here again.”

the lie in the words is ridiculously blatant, but joy doesn’t call her out on it. “i’m just passing through,” she says lightly instead. “you?”

she looks as gorgeous as ever in a dark blazer and slacks, standing tall over seungwan with the wind ruffling her hair just right. everything about her radiates _expensive_. untouchable.

she was totally here looking for fresh meat. moved on, over it. seungwan has no idea why she would have expected anything else.

“same,” she says shortly. “i was just going to be on my way, actually, so if you’ll excuse me- ”

she makes to keep walking, but joy matches her step, leaning to block her path. seungwan huffs and shifts in another direction, only for joy to stand in her way again.

“what do you think you’re doing?” seungwan snaps. it comes out a lot more hostile than she intends. she could swear that joy even looks hurt for a second before her face schools into another smile, just confident enough to feel the slightest bit irritating.

“someone’s grumpy.”

“well, i’ve had a long day.” seungwan sighs, the fight draining from her. “i just want to go home and eat, so if you could just. you know.” she sidesteps again. 

gets blocked, again.

“if you want something to eat,” joy says, “you can come get dinner with me.” 

it sounds more like a command than a suggestion.

“what, right now?”

seungwan gives herself a once-over. jeans, a simple and loose-hanging collared shirt, not even a speck of makeup. her battered messenger bag hanging against her side, a few corners of papers and notes peeking out. she’s not exactly looking like fancy dinner date material. 

“what makes you think i’d do that?” she challenges, returning her eyes back to the new bane of her existence.

joy chuckles lowly, and the sound does funny things to seungwan’s insides, but joy doesn’t have to know that.

“because i’ll pay,” she informs her, and, well.

there’s definitely no way seungwan can pass that up.

joy seems to know this area well. they aren’t walking long before they arrive at an upscale place not too far away, with a flowery but easily forgettable name, and an interior decorated sharp and minimalistic. every staff member they encounter seems flustered to see joy arriving on the scene, ushering her and seungwan to a table immediately and giving them nervous glances when they think they won’t be caught.

seungwan vaguely registers joy talking to a waiter as he sets glasses on their table, but she doesn’t really pay attention, too busy trying to process the price of everything on the menu.

that uncomfortable, _inadequate_ feeling from their morning after is back again, crawling over her with every note of classical music playing softly overhead.

god, what is she doing here? this place isn’t for her, it’s for sharks like joy park. she’s an idiot for this, but for free food, she’ll put up with almost anything.

seulgi would be so proud of her.

“seungwan-ssi.” joy’s voice draws her out of her distracted train of thought. “will you be ordering?”

“i need a few minutes,” seungwan manages to get out, and the waiter nods with entirely too much enthusiasm and scurries away to other tables.

joy is looking at her, eyes probing. “is something wrong?”

“what? no.” seungwan looks around the restaurant again, taking in the outfits of the other patrons. all so _chic_ , in ways that make their flaunting of wealth and beauty very clear. “i guess i feel a little... underdressed?” she coughs. “nervous? i don’t really know why i’m here.”

“ah.” joy nods in understanding. “i was hoping to talk with you.”

seungwan eyes her warily. “about what,” she says. joy makes a noncommittal sound.

“anything. or nothing, if that’s what you want.” she rests her chin on her hands primly. “our night together made an impression. i just wanted to see you again.”

it’s stupid, how the words make her heart skip a beat, likely doing exactly what they were calculated to do. seungwan pushes down the warmth that tries to well up inside her, takes a deep breath, and reminds herself to not get any dumb ideas.

“okay,” she says. “okay- ”

“are you ladies ready now?” their waiter says, having suddenly materialized next to them, and seungwan jumps in her seat.

he gives her a weird look, probably because of both her jumpiness and how laughably normal her clothes look compared to everything and everyone in this restaurant, before turning back to joy with a too-wide smile.

“we can keep it simple, if you’re feeling shy,” joy says once they’ve ordered. “name, age, occupation is a good start. park sooyoung, twenty-three- ”

“wait, your name’s not actually joy?” seungwan interrupts. _how on earth are you this rich but still younger than me_ nearly slips out with it.

(she’s not sure what to think about that little fun fact. more food for her inferiority complex, maybe.)

joy- sooyoung?- huffs. “it’s not my given name,” she says. “it keeps international associates more… open to business. giving that name out is just a reflex by now.” she doesn’t sound particularly happy to be saying that. “i think we’re past all of that, though.”

what “we”? who is _we?_

 _what_ , seungwan almost says blankly, except that would probably be rude, so she keeps her mouth shut. “okay,” she says instead. “son seungwan, twenty-five. med school victim.”

“son seungwan,” sooyoung says, like she’s rolling the name around in her mouth experimentally. “twenty-five, huh. then...” her eyes widen and she leans in closer. unconsciously, seungwan mirrors the motion.

a second passes.

“should i be calling you _unnie?_ ” sooyoung says breathily, the last word curling almost into a moan, and seungwan jerks away, knee bumping against the table and sloshing their complimentary glasses of ice water around.

“what is your _problem_ ,” seungwan hisses. sooyoung has a sly smile on her face as she draws back.

“just asking a question.”

the question goes unanswered.

(sooyoung doesn’t start calling her unnie, either.)

the rest of the dinner isn’t as eventful. sooyoung makes no objections to any of her orders, and seungwan really was starving when they got here, so she busies herself with stuffing her face as politely as she can. this much food of this level of quality is a first for her. and quite possibly a last.

thankfully, it doesn’t seem like sooyoung wants to try to force conversation either. she keeps on taking small, delicate bites of her food that just scream childhood etiquette classes, while mostly keeping her eyes on seungwan. the unflinching gaze makes seungwan fidgety, heat jittering around under her skin as she eats, but she says nothing about it. wouldn’t want to concede any victories too early on, after all.

as the meal winds down, she settles on cake for dessert. it ends up being a slice of red velvet, neatly frosted with white icing and topped with a single crimson cherry. frustratingly perfect, just like everything else she’s eaten here.

just like the girl sitting across from her.

sooyoung says something she doesn’t catch as she stabs viciously into the cake with her fork.

“sorry, what?”

“you mentioned med school. med students specialize, don’t they?”

“gonna go into pediatrics,” seungwan says distractedly, licking icing off her lips. “ugh, this is really good.”

“you answered fast. sounds like it’s been in the works for a while.”

“well, there are all the obvious reasons, right? maybe i’m boring, or whatever, but those are mine.” seungwan keeps her eyes down on her dessert. the cake is horribly rich compared to what she’s used to. it feels like her insides are rotting trying to digest it. “i’ve always wanted to do it. i just love kids, love helping them.”

“i can tell that you’re driven.” sooyoung nods, sounding appreciative. “you must be smart and dedicated, getting this far.”

“graduated with honors in biochem before this,” seungwan says with a shrug. her face heats up a little with embarrassment at just how nice it feels to be acknowledged, even by an almost complete stranger that she doesn’t want to like. “didn’t do much other than getting me into my current school, though.”

“it’s still something that not just anyone could do,” sooyoung counters. “i’m sure you must have had fellowships fighting over you, scholarships...”

“me? no.” seungwan laughs humorlessly. “competition starts tough in college, but it gets way worse after. one wrong move and you can lose all your chances.” she shakes her head. “sometimes even with all the right moves.”

“i see. this is probably a... sensitive subject.” to her credit, sooyoung actually looks apologetic for a moment. “i’m sorry.”

“it’s fine,” seungwan says immediately, backpedaling, “seriously, it’s fine,” but sooyoung just turns away and raises a hand, motioning for their check.

the bill has their fancy entrée names on it, and an amount of zeros that practically makes seungwan sick to her stomach. but sooyoung doesn’t even blink as she hands over a black card so sleek it looks like it’s been waxed and polished, glinting like a deadly weapon. 

seungwan wonders exactly how much money is on it. probably enough to buy her whole apartment building and then some. a reserve that, in her own lowly eyes, might as well be endless.

there’s an insidious, unexpected satisfaction to the thought, knowing this meal alone cost far too much money to be reasonable and sooyoung has paid for all of it, just for her. it’s actually unsettling just how good it feels.

“i was wondering,” sooyoung starts, as their waiter scuttles away. “if you’d want to come over, tonight.”

“was that what this was about?” seungwan lets out a rather impolite snort. “you think if you wine and dine me i’ll get right into your bed again?”

“i did think that, actually. although i really did hope we could talk a little first.” sooyoung adopts a penitent expression, as if she’s seriously reconsidering the issue. “but if you’d like, next time we can get straight to the fucking.”

well, she certainly doesn’t mince her words.

“right,” seungwan says, scowling when her body reacts on instinct, going hot at how sooyoung pronounces _fuck_. “and if i don’t want to go home with you?”

seungwan wants sooyoung to be awful so badly. she wants her to be inexcusably bitchy and snobby and mean to her so that this warm, uncertain, _uncomfortable_ feeling she’s nursing will go away.

“okay,” sooyoung says simply. “then let me call you a ride, at least. you shouldn’t be walking around alone this late.”

damn it.

seungwan feels the urge to take some kind of action while they wait, because miss chivalrous insists on staying around to make sure she gets back safely, but she can’t think of anything.

then she remembers something seulgi said, not too long ago.

“there is something i want, actually,” she blurts. sooyoung’s head turns to her slowly.

“yes?”

“your number.” seungwan pulls her phone out of her pocket, opens it up to the new contact page before she loses her nerve. “if you’re being serious, we shouldn’t rely on running into each other on the street to meet each other.”

sooyoung smirks at her. 

“sure thing,” she says, taking seungwan’s phone.

seungwan wants to feel like the winner in this situation. she got the pretty, mysterious girl’s number, with almost no effort or persuading at that. 

but there’s an off-putting satisfaction in sooyoung’s voice. like she’s come out victorious instead.

when sooyoung hands her phone back, the contact says _soo_ , with a green heart emoji next to it. a _heart emoji_. seungwan blinks, looking at sooyoung for some kind of reaction, but the girl is just holding her own phone out, expectant.

“i’m not letting you get in that car until i have your number too, you know,” sooyoung says. her tone doesn’t invite argument. seungwan makes a face despite the uncertain excitement churning in her stomach and types in her number, under a simple _son seungwan_.

on her ride home, she can’t stop staring at the _soo_ contact page on her phone screen, like her brain isn’t quite convinced it’s real and needs to double-check.

as if it would get back at sooyoung somehow, just to spite her or something, part of seungwan almost wants to delete the heart.

almost.

she keeps the contact name and tucks her phone back in her pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me here! send me comments, feedback, anything you'd like:  
> [ [twitter](https://twitter.com/superheroau_twt) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/superheroau) ]


	2. Chapter 2

seungwan is starting to regret asking for sooyoung’s number. even under normal circumstances, trying to communicate with new people and starting conversation stresses her. and these, unfortunately, are no normal circumstances.

entire days have passed since their fateful dinner, and sooyoung hasn’t sent her a single message. like she’s waiting for seungwan to make the first move, and thus put herself at a strategic disadvantage right off the bat.

it’s the _worst_.

seungwan’s got a monster courseload bearing down on her, courtesy of some of the hardest professors her program has to offer. but all she’s been able to think about instead, agonizing over to the point of exhaustion, is how she’s supposed to text park sooyoung.

what does she even say? they’ve hooked up once, been on a sort-of date, and that’s it. seungwan still doesn’t really know much about her, other than the fact that she’s intimidatingly rich and just as hot. and seems to really want to get into seungwan’s pants. there had clearly been enthusiasm there.

it’s also by far the most confusing part of all of this. there are far bigger and better fish in the sea for someone with that much money, and likely many attractive friends and acquaintances in high places. it raises questions seungwan doesn’t really want to think about right now.

when she finally works up the nerve to send a simple _hey it’s seungwan_ , she almost wants to throw her phone away into a corner and hide forever. she doesn’t do that, though. she’s an adult.

instead, she sifts through bus routes to see if she can get to sooyoung’s place on her own. it’s the only option she has at the moment, and if there’s one thing she expects to get very soon, it’s an invitation.

to get “straight to the fucking,” as sooyoung had so artfully offered.

seungwan can’t deny the little thrill that runs through her at the idea. seeing sooyoung again, getting to be with her, sober, actually able to remember it this time...

she’s so absorbed in the thought that she almost drops her phone when it buzzes with a text notification.

 ** _soo💚:_** _hello son seungwan_

 **_soo💚:_ ** _good to talk again~_

 **_soo💚:_ ** _i was getting worried you wouldn’t make any moves._

“you and me both,” seungwan mutters. she gets another text before she can even start typing again.

 **_soo💚:_ ** _i’ve been thinking about you_

ugh.

 _how sweet_ , she sends back. more messages pop up within seconds.

 **_soo💚:_ ** _can i see you again?_

 **_soo💚:_ ** _i guess i mean_

 **_soo💚:_ ** _can you come over?_

 **_soo💚:_ ** _;)_

a stupid winky face should not be getting her heart racing like this.

 _god yes_ , seungwan types on impulse, deleting it immediately. too desperate. _yeah_ , she sends instead. casual. unbothered. _i’d like that._

without any further ado, she gets an address as a response.

  
  


walking up to sooyoung’s place in the daylight is intimidating. everything seems bigger than when she was last there, and the doorman at the building entrance looks her up and down, eyeing her unremarkable attire with thinly veiled suspicion. seungwan feels small and out of place as she walks cautiously through the glittering hallways leading to sooyoung’s door.

the sensation only gets stronger once she’s inside, since she remembers full well that the place isn’t so much an apartment as it is a luxury penthouse. but by then sooyoung’s already descended on her, so seungwan occupies herself with trying to get her clothes off instead.

the clothes in question are very nice. business casual, but pulled off so effectively that, seungwan wagers, the outfit could hold its own against even the fanciest formalwear. that’s just how gorgeous this girl is.

while she fumbles with the stupid, stupid buttons on sooyoung’s dress shirt, gradually slipping it off as they meander their way through the house, seungwan can’t help but _notice_ her body a little more. it’s broad daylight now, after all. everything is just out there for her to see.

there’s something about it that makes her want to melt. defined muscle contrasted with the curve of her chest and hips, the soft warmth of her mouth. such attractive contradiction.

“god,” she mumbles, absently dragging her nails along the lines of sooyoung’s abs. “how often do you work out, seriously?”

“it’s a good stress reliever,” sooyoung answers, and ushers them towards the bedroom in a hurry, before seungwan can ask just how stressed she must be for a body like that.

as anticipated, sooyoung is rather ferocious to experience. seungwan takes it, enjoys it with all the now-sober clarity she has, because sooyoung doesn’t bite too painfully, doesn’t try to draw blood, doesn’t cross any creepy, off-putting lines.

although... maybe it’s the absence of the blissful blur of alcohol, but something feels strangely different this time. sooyoung’s demanding grip, her hissed encouragement for seungwan to say everything she likes, _so good, baby, let me hear you_ \- it comes off in a new light. a bit like… 

rambling? overcompensating?

if seungwan were to jump to conclusions, she might even dare to guess that sooyoung isn’t entirely sure what she’s doing.

whatever that is, though, it’s great, so seungwan isn’t going to overthink any of it for a second. not when this is the hottest, the most _mutually desired_ she’s felt in ages. and especially not after sooyoung’s voice pitches into just the kind of moan to make her whine and dig her nails into her.

sooyoung seems to be the watchful type. studying her, almost like seungwan is an instrument that she wants to play perfectly. being paid attention to is really the least to be expected from any partner at all, but for some reason the dark, focused gaze still gets to her.

very much unlike seungwan’s other expectations, sooyoung asks for nothing after grinding herself to a quiet, panting peak against seungwan’s thigh, brushing her off when she moves to return the favor. 

and damn it, she’d really wanted to return the favor.

a no is a no, though. instead, she ends up drifting off for a moment with sooyoung murmuring an indistinct apology against her lips, and wakes up to the now familiar sight of an empty bed.

as she rubs at her eyes, stretching with a strangled groan, she wonders if that’s something she’ll need to start getting used to.

she can hear sooyoung storming around outside the bedroom, the sound of her snarling into her phone muffled into a watery jumble by the walls between them. even in that state, the irritation in her voice is clear.

seungwan goes into the bathroom and stays in the shower until her fingers start to prune.

to her relief, things are quiet once she ventures out, dressed and freshened up. a plate of apple slices is even waiting for her on the kitchen counter, the seeds neatly carved out of every one. it seems so childish, like something her mom would make for her after coming home from elementary school, and seungwan can’t help the giggle that slips out of her at the thought.

a healthy snack, to energize her after getting her brains screwed out. 

the fruit tastes great, of course, deliciously crisp and sweet. no doubt nothing less than perfection ever comes out of park sooyoung’s first-class pantry.

said girl sits in the chair next to her as she eats, watching her crunch on apple bits like it’s the most interesting thing in the world.

seungwan feels like she should probably speak up about all the not-so-covert looking. surely sooyoung has laid eyes upon normal people with normal incomes before. being pretty average shouldn’t make her into a zoo animal, here.

but something in her also doesn’t mind. doesn’t want it to stop.

likes that someone who normally wouldn’t even notice her seems to be so… infatuated.

“are you not going to have some?” seungwan prompts curiously, holding out the piece of fruit in her hand. “it’s really good.” sooyoung shakes her head politely, so seungwan just shrugs in return, unable to say much to that other than a neutral _suit yourself._

the silence that follows doesn’t last long.

“what do you do?” sooyoung says abruptly. seungwan sets down the apple wedge she’d been about to bite into, a little nonplussed at the very basic question.

“you know what i do, don’t you? i told you before.”

for a fleeting moment, sooyoung’s face pinches with frustration. “i mean when you’re not being son seungwan the med student,” she clarifies. “when you’ve got free time, and you’re just being you. what do you like doing?”

“huh.”

seungwan mulls it over.

she can’t remember the last time she had a real, actual break from things. even without school, there’s always life getting in the way somehow. bills, odd jobs, personal problems, planning her future. all the most wonderful parts of adult life.

“it’s concerning that you have to think this long,” sooyoung mutters.

“yeah, hobbies and free time? don’t know that one.” seungwan tries to laugh, but it comes out forced, a little choked. she feels herself sober at that, thinking about it seriously.

“i liked music,” she finally settles on saying. “ _like_ music. still love it.” she smiles to herself. the thought brings back memories, awash in warm nostalgia. “i was in choir for a long time. the real deal, had a damn good voice. i kept it up for a few years before med school, but now i just don’t have the time that i used to.” she huffs. “all i’ve really got to show for it is this guitar my parents got me when i was younger.”

sooyoung looks at her expectantly. that last sentence seems to not be enough. 

“it’s a piece of junk, if i’m being honest,” seungwan admits sheepishly. “i love the thing, it’s super important to me personally. but it’s all i can do to keep it in tune.”

that gets her a laugh. “i think everyone owns something like that. have you ever looked into a new one, though?” sooyoung muses. “something properly working, good quality?”

“no way,” seungwan dismisses without hesitation. “even just an okay one is too pricey for me right now.” she sighs wistfully. “it’s one of those _maybe someday_ things, y’know?”

“yeah,” sooyoung agrees, looking thoughtful. “maybe someday.”

  
  


the rest of the day is boring and normal in comparison. seungwan gets home and passes her time absorbing dense medical text and getting started on reports before seulgi gets up from her own study nest with a huff, ambling over to her.

“can we hang out?” seulgi says. her voice is mournful.

“we are hanging out,” seungwan points out, “like, right now,” but seulgi only turns it up a notch, looking at her beseechingly.

“i wanna _hang out_. you know, decompress. have a night in and channel flip, or spend an hour scrolling netflix or something boring like that.” she sighs, stretching out a little with a wince. “i think this semester is seriously trying to kill me.”

“let’s get something delivered, then.” seungwan makes a shooing motion at her. “go on and pick a place. i know you want to.”

“aw,” seulgi says, beaming immediately, “you know me so well,” and turns her attention to her laptop screen.

it’s like their takeout ritual. seulgi spends a bit making a mental ranking of what she can remember them craving lately, daydreaming a little about the food. meanwhile, seungwan makes sure she has her money together enough to reasonably split the bill- or make it her treat, if everything is in place just right.

today, she starts by fishing around for change. spare coins and sometimes even a few bills have a tendency to disappear into her pockets for some reason, especially on days where she’s paid a transit fare or two, so she always does a check before they get anything. there’s nothing like finding a little extra in there after a dreary day.

but when she pulls out a couple of notes, rolled up so tightly they were almost unnoticeable in her pockets, she definitely doesn’t expect the number they add up to- a big number. much bigger than she’s used to.

the bills are crisp and clean against her fingers, and they smell like money, that fresh ATM scent. that means there’s got to be only one place they could have come from.

this is kind of what she wanted, right? an excuse to not like park sooyoung. to cut her out of her thoughts with no guilt or hesitation.

and yet, all seungwan feels is a roiling, rising sense of betrayal.

“you know what, seul,” she says, bolting upright and shoving the money back into her pocket, “hold whatever you’re thinking right now. i’ll go get us something from that chinese place you like. i need the fresh air.” 

“wha- ” 

“can i borrow the car?” seungwan interrupts, and seulgi nods, bewildered. “great,” she says, already leaving the room. it takes her all of a minute to grab her bag, fumble the keys out of seulgi’s bag, and storm out the door, slamming it shut behind her.

no way she’s just staying at home and texting, not even calling, because if she does she’ll probably end up throwing her phone somewhere and maybe breaking it. or just something else she can’t afford the headache of fixing.

she also doesn’t have it in her to deal with seulgi’s gently probing concern right now, at least not without snapping or doing something stupid that she’ll regret.

so instead, she’s going to do something that’s probably even stupider.

seulgi’s car is battered and ancient, a dirt cheap offer from an enterprising stranger online. it’s a rickety thing to drive, the dull paint job is scratched in all sorts of places, and you have to push down every lock on every door by hand inside before leaving it anywhere, because apparently remote keys were the last thing on the manufacturer’s mind at the time that it was made.

it’ll last a hasty drive to downtown and back, though. that’s more than enough.

there isn’t too much traffic on the way to sooyoung’s glitzy apartment building, especially not when seungwan is going through side streets and shortcuts for most of it. some guy in a suit and the eye candy hanging off his arm are distracting the doorman when she gets there, the two of them flashy enough that she slips in without a glance.

she paces in the elevator, staring at the bills in her hand as the floor numbers tick up in front of her. it’s not just pocket change, or even something that you could stretch to think of as a teasing gesture. it’s more than enough to raise eyebrows, and sooyoung probably snuck it into her pockets while she was in the shower like it was no big deal.

seungwan has always been the nice and mild-mannered type- partly by nature, partly by deliberate choice, just because it makes her life that much easier. but even she has _pride_ , damn it, and it can’t stand for how carelessly this money seems to have been thrown at her. especially given the... circumstances.

once she reaches sooyoung’s door, she pounds at it with her fist, fast and hard, until it flies open. sooyoung’s face is bare and her hair is damp, body wrapped up in a paper-thin robe that leaves basically nothing to the imagination. despite her vulnerable state, she looks ready to start physically fighting whoever’s outside until she sees exactly who’s here to visit.

“what- ”

seungwan shoulders past her and storms into the apartment. sooyoung trails behind her, looking completely caught off guard for the first time seungwan’s seen since they met.

“what’s going on?”

“what is this?” seungwan pulls the cash out of her pocket. “what is this supposed to be?”

“ah,” sooyoung says after a second, sounding perfectly, ridiculously understanding. somehow, the money has now made it all make sense to her, if the now-serene expression on her face is any indication. “that’s what this is about.”

seungwan glares at her. “you know, i’d expect someone like you would have plenty of better options if all you actually want is sex for a fee. what do you think i am, some kind of- ”

“i’m not trying to buy your body, if that’s what you’re getting at,” sooyoung interrupts calmly.

seungwan falls silent.

“good. it felt like you were about to say something you’d regret for a second there.” sooyoung motions at the couch nearby. “have a seat. want some wine?”

“i drove here,” seungwan retorts.

“suit yourself,” sooyoung says, shrugging, and sweeps off to grab a bottle and a glass.

seungwan takes a reluctant seat, continuing to stew as she waits. even when sooyoung gets back, the girl takes an agonizingly long time to get settled, pouring herself some wine and delicately swishing it around for much too long.

seungwan can feel the fight draining out of her with every second. she hadn’t wanted a duel, hadn’t wanted any kind of standoff at all. she had wanted to get this over with. but now she’s stuck here, and park sooyoung has the upper hand.

_again._

when sooyoung finally looks up, looking ready to say something, seungwan is about ready to burst. she wants to snap, jab at her somehow so she can get out of here, but instead she bites her tongue and waits.

a few moments pass. seungwan continues to hold eye contact defiantly.

“how broke are you, exactly?” sooyoung finally says. she tilts her head, all coy and curious. like she’s asking about seungwan’s favorite drama or ideal type, and not her tax bracket.

“really? that’s what you’re asking me?” seungwan barks out a laugh. “how many ugly details do you want? they’re hiking fees in the next academic year, i’m having problems as it is- ”

“look,” sooyoung interrupts. “this is simple. i see the way you look at me, at everything around me. i can give you what you want- i can give you _better._ you’d only have to ask.”

“what, because you pity me or something?” seungwan huffs, wrapping her arms around herself sullenly. “do i look like a charity case to you? does it get you off, thinking about taking care of poor, helpless seungwan unnie?”

“it’s because i like you,” sooyoung says simply. “i want to keep seeing you.”

right. as if she’s going to buy that.

“you gave me money because… you like me,” seungwan says, words dripping out slow and skeptical. “sorry, do you always give people you like money?”

“of course not. you might not believe me, but i’m an honest girl, you know.” sooyoung takes a dignified sip of her wine. “this is me being honest with you.”

“are you sure about that,” seungwan says flatly. sooyoung arches a pristine eyebrow at her.

“you’re expecting more explaining, aren’t you. of course.” she laughs. “my deepest, darkest innermost thoughts.”

“i’d love to hear them,” seungwan challenges, raising an eyebrow right back. “lay them on me.”

there’s quiet for a few seconds as sooyoung looks at her unreadably, slowly leans closer.

“you want the truth?”

seungwan can’t stop the soft gasp that leaves her when sooyoung’s hand comes under her chin, tilting it up.

“the truth is i think you’re lovely, seungwan-ssi,” sooyoung sighs longingly, thumb pressing down lightly on seungwan’s bottom lip. “so lovely, so pretty and smart, and i’m shallow and selfish. i want you and your company all for myself. is that what you wanted to hear?”

the world blurs to roaring static around her as it sinks in.

she actually interests this girl. park sooyoung, in all her unattainable, painful beauty, likes her for some reason. wants her.

wants to give her money.

seungwan jerks away, because sooyoung is staring directly at her mouth now and she can’t deal with that. not when it feels like they’re on the verge of something important.

“what does you having me to yourself mean, exactly? you want to be my- my what.” seungwan frowns, trying to remember what it’s called. “my sugar daddy?”

“i believe the appropriate term would be _mommy_ ,” sooyoung says dryly. “but i would just call it an arrangement, if you really want to name it. a mutually beneficial arrangement for the both of us.”

 _mutually beneficial arrangement_. it sounds so gratingly impersonal. seungwan’s about to snarl back that she’s a human, not some easily dismissed business venture, but something makes her hold that thought.

this can be good. the idea might bother her, but this can actually benefit her a lot. so she likes it much more than she should.

she did have a scholarship or two when she was in college, before. they weren’t exactly full rides, but they made things manageable and that was certainly fine by her. she still has a few stray funds that help here and there, but what’s left from those is about dried up.

a good medical school, a really good one, is like a money-sucking _monster_. there’s frustratingly expensive textbooks and overblown tuition, just to name two things, not to mention how much it costs to even live properly in the first place anymore. being alive is an expensive venture these days.

“is that too much to ask of you?” sooyoung‘s stare burns into the side of her face. “you seem uncomfortable.”

maybe it would bruise her pride at first, doing this- worse, doing it with someone younger, yet still so far ahead of her in almost every conceivable way.

but, she could use money.

she could really use money.

“i’m fine,” seungwan says, a little snappily. “just fine. i was just thinking.”

“take whatever time you need,” sooyoung says with a nod. her expression eases back into lazy, satisfied anticipation, like she’s sure she has seungwan all figured out now, and it makes seungwan itch.

she’s out of her depth, pursued by someone way out of her league, about to make the most rash, selfish, maybe even most demeaning decision of her life. and all she can get herself to do about it is scowl at park sooyoung’s stupid, gorgeous face.

and smash their mouths together.

sooyoung actually seems surprised by it at first, going slack and unresponsive, but she pushes back soon enough, moaning when seungwan fists a hand in her robe and bites hard at her bottom lip. her hands are pawing at seungwan’s waistband by the time seungwan shoves her away with all her might, scrambling off the couch to get distance between them.

“there’s your answer,” seungwan says breathlessly, swiping up the money again. her heart pounds at the longing look on sooyoung’s face, but something’s shifted in the air, in herself, and her voice doesn’t shake the way she expects it to. “pervert,” she adds, for good measure.

sooyoung’s lips quirk up with amusement.

“who, me?”

seungwan starts to back away at that, because this is getting very dangerous indeed, and seulgi is going to sulk for ages if she ditches her to get laid instead of bringing back food.

“i’m taking this,” she calls over her shoulder as she turns, waving the crumpled bills in one hand, “and we’re working this out later.”

as she closes the door behind her, distantly, she can hear sooyoung start to laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	3. Chapter 3

for a while, seungwan can’t help but wonder if she’s made a terrible mistake.

this is very different from how she usually goes about things. she’s fumbled and bounced back plenty of times in her life. she’s only human. but essentially handing over her body and bank account to a pretty girl she barely even knows... that’s probably a step too far.

it’s like she impulsively made a deal with the devil, sold her soul or something. considering sooyoung’s dangerous amount of both beauty and power, maybe that’s not too far off from the truth.

the reality of it all begins to sink in when she gets her first text from sooyoung since she burst into her fancy apartment, what feels like an eternity ago. the long-awaited sound of a notification makes her jump.

this is really happening, then. her stomach twists with anticipation as she opens the message.

there aren’t any words in it, not even so much as a greeting, just an address. although the area seems familiar, seungwan comes up with nothing in her head when she tries to place it.

 **son seungwan:** _what’s this?_

 **soo💚:** _where you’re going to meet me._

seungwan gives the location a quick search and finds out it’s on an avenue full of nice, shiny stores. no wonder she couldn’t figure out where it was. the street looks so rich she would probably get side-eyed for going within a hundred feet of it.

 **son seungwan:** _what are we going to do there?_

 **soo💚:** _whatever you like_

 **soo💚:** _;)_

 **soo💚:** _well, not exactly... i have a few things in mind_

 **soo💚:** _but i think you’ll enjoy it_

 **soo💚:** _see you soon?_

with that, seungwan shoots to her feet to find something to wear. she doesn’t have anything spectacular to offer in her wardrobe, but she manages to find a serviceable outfit: a fresh pair of jeans and her warmest sweater, a faded university one that’s starting to wear thin with overuse.

it’s nothing fancy, but she managed to catch sooyoung’s attention with nothing fancy. it should do.

when she gets there, sooyoung is already waiting for her, stood casually by a wall out of the way of pedestrians and giving her a wave. she looks painfully good, of course. as business casual as ever.

for a moment, seungwan imagines vast rows of blazers, slacks, and crisply, deliciously pressed dress shirts in sooyoung’s sizable closet, stretching out to infinity. a tiny giggle slips from her before she gets a hold of herself.

“seungwan-ssi.” sooyoung smiles at her, welcoming, and seemingly oblivious to the sound. her full lips are a distracting shade of red today. “you made it.”

“hey,” seungwan manages. chilly wind bites through her clothes, and she shivers, clenching her jaw. “what are we doing here?”

sooyoung doesn’t seem to miss the edge in her tone. “is this not a good time?”

“oh, no. the timing’s just fine. i just want to know what’s gonna happen today.” seungwan smiles weakly. “so we can get to the good part, you know?”

“i see.” sooyoung nods. seungwan breathes an internal sigh of relief. “see that place right there?”

seungwan looks in the direction she’s pointing, at a large storefront across from them. the name’s unfamiliar, probably out of her price range like everything in sooyoung’s life. but it seems like it’s music-related- the logo is shaped like a guitar, and there are instruments on display in the window.

“yup,” she says, but when she turns back to look at sooyoung there’s a shiny black card in front of her face.

her eyes widen as she recognizes the credit card sooyoung paid for their last and only date with. the extremely money-laden card.

“you’re going to take this,” sooyoung tells her, taking one of her hands to press the card into it, “and you’re going to go in there and pick whatever you like.”

“what?” seungwan says dumbly. “you’re kidding, right?”

“if i was joking, you would know.” sooyoung pats her back lightly. “come on.”

seungwan enters in a daze, nodding distractedly at a nearby employee as sooyoung gives her a light push forward into the store.

years ago, this probably would have been like her paradise. she would have just sat herself in here and never come out. there’s keyboards, speakers, every musical accessory she can think of, even a few brass instruments.

and, she realizes now, the reason that she’s been brought here.

guitars.

she makes a beeline for the acoustic guitar section, ignoring sooyoung’s quiet chuckle behind her as she makes her way over.

sooyoung actually paid attention. she remembered seungwan talking about her old guitar before, even thought to bring her here and-

seungwan stops, eyes fixed on one specimen in particular. it’s dark, polished mahogany, sleek and seductive, and gleams temptingly in the light of the store. it’s been a long time since she’s properly, seriously handled an instrument, let alone an instrument like that.

for a little, she lets herself be entranced, practically drooling as she runs her hands over the smooth finish, but her eyes almost pop out of her head when she catches sight of the price.

“jesus, this is worth more than i am!”

sooyoung tsks in disagreement next to her. “you’re certainly worth more than a thousand US dollars, seungwan-ssi.”

“wow,” seungwan mutters. “you’re so kind.” she stares at the guitar a little longer, weighing it absently in her hands. it feels perfect, and she knows it would sound perfect too, after a good tuning.

and yet uncertainty is still firmly rooted in her chest, paralyzing her. surely this is some sort of betrayal to her past. moving on from her well-worn personal treasure for something shiny and new, that won’t even be bought with her own money.

can she not even do this without worrying and feeling pressured? is she somehow not cut out for the simple act of sitting around and getting whatever her heart desires?

apparently the answer might be yes. at least, just this one time.

“i appreciate this, seriously. i just- don’t know if i can have something like this right now,” she sighs, holding out sooyoung’s card for her to take back. “i’m sorry. my roommate would ask too many questions seeing it, i don’t really have the space to hide it right now, and it’s a lot. it- it just feels like a lot.”

all of that is also true, but saying it still feels humiliating, almost, even though sooyoung’s expression betrays no sign of disappointment at all. not at seungwan’s rejection, or even at how seungwan obviously wants to hide her existence from seulgi and everyone else she knows.

maybe she expected as much.

“it’s fine,” is all sooyoung says instead. “there’s another place i was going to visit today anyway. that’s our backup.”

that somewhere ends up being a high-end department store that seungwan’s never even gotten to pass by before, taking up a chunk of one of the most upscale shopping complexes in town, almost like a mansion looming over the smaller outlets. the employee that greets them by the door is wearing a chipper little uniform that’s probably of a higher quality than any clothing seungwan has ever owned in her life.

her face heats up with embarrassment at the sight, only to heat up more when she realizes she’s unconsciously leaning into sooyoung’s side, like the girl will somehow shield her from any perception of inferiority.

she takes a pointed step away as they walk through the store, letting her eyes wander over the racks of chic, expensive-looking clothes that they pass by. sooyoung seems to know exactly where she’s going, so seungwan tags along at her side in complacent silence, as she’s quickly growing accustomed to doing. it comes so very easily.

as a matter of fact, she’s starting to get the impression that she’s about one misplaced impulse away from accidentally trying to hold this girl’s hand in public. not very businesslike of her.

so absorbed is she in dread at the thought, she doesn’t even realize exactly what part of this place they’ve ventured into until it’s too late. too late, meaning that there’s a very provocatively dressed mannequin staring her straight in the face.

“u-uh,” seungwan manages to get out. “what’s- ”

“i really wanted to start this off on the right foot,” sooyoung explains, nonchalant. “so we have to kick off somewhere, don’t we? this was my second option, since i thought starting small might be better for you.” she motions out to the rest of the, well.

the lingerie corner. 

somehow, seungwan finds herself not very surprised to be standing in the lingerie corner.

“i see,” she answers politely, although she doesn’t, really. “so, then- am i supposed to pick again? like you asked before?”

“well.” sooyoung chuckles, a little shiftily. “i had hoped i would at least get to choose a favorite.”

 _oh, thank god._

“go right ahead,” seungwan mutters. “pick whatever you want.” 

she might have just had an indecisive breakdown if she had to do that all on her own. this is how son seungwan truly is: being put on the spot to choose something intimate is somehow even more overwhelming than a hot girl clearly wanting to see her in lacy underthings. 

she’s never even _imagined_ herself wearing anything worthy of belonging in this store before-

“how about i do you one better,” sooyoung continues, voice lowering conspiratorially as she sidles in closer to her. “if you let me pick yours, i’ll let you pick mine.”

“i, um. don’t know if i have an informed enough opinion for that.”

“fair enough. you can decide on whatever you want, though. that’s how this is meant to be anyway, right?” sooyoung sighs. “i suppose not everyone drops by here the way i do. i just think it’s so much fun to browse. it’s become second nature.” 

“so you come here often.” seungwan forces her eyes to linger on some of the sets in front of her, which are thankfully just some basic ensembles in black and red that don’t make her feel like her brain is being slow roasted. “do you buy a lot?” she offers, trying to at least make conversation while she gets a tentative feel for the silken fabric under her fingers.

“in excess, some might say.” sooyoung gazes out fondly at the assortments of racy outfits surrounding them, as if looking upon all the trappings of a much-cherished hobby. “they have a wonderful collection here. i just don’t have many… _opportunities_ that are really worth trying out the products on for, so i keep it all to myself.”

“mostly self-indulgent, then?”

“nothing wrong with a little self-indulgence.” sooyoung smiles, looking satisfied with herself. “it’s good to feel sexy when you need it, seungwan-ssi. healthy, even. there’s a reason i thought of bringing you here.”

is that implying that seungwan’s… self-esteem could use a boost? by way of raunchy escapades and solo fantasizing?

it’s a rather dubious suggestion. people like sooyoung- that is, annoyingly attractive people- are much more well suited to that sort of thing.

seungwan’s mind wanders to imagining how sooyoung gets herself _feeling sexy_ on her own time. immediately, it dawns on her that such thoughts are probably not meant to be had out in public.

“well,” she says weakly, “i appreciate the thought.”

on the plus side, she now has at least one idea for what she should pick for sooyoung to wear.

  
  


after three more attempts at shopping trips, one more long and surprisingly enjoyable dinner at a fancy rooftop restaurant, and what seungwan has managed to glimpse before all their clothes come off, here’s an observation: sooyoung always dresses in a way that suits her. 

by which seungwan means, a way that makes other people seem a bit like a lesser mortals. 

she’s not very up to date on these things. minus recognizable logos, her knowledge of the high-end fashion world is vague and mostly undefined. but even she can tell that park sooyoung’s everyday outfits alone are absolutely dripping in designer, from the elaborate daily mix-and-match game of her expensive bags and blouses to the curve-hugging little skirts she seems to _love_ wearing whenever they’re out in public together.

the two of them must look like a very odd pair to other people. they usually get at least a few looks, which seungwan is wholly unused to. 

she’s the type that doesn’t stick out much in a crowd. the fact has become strangely reassuring to remind herself of over the years, only to now suddenly serve as reinforcement that this isn’t… her. none of what she’s doing is very _son seungwan_ of her.

even given more time around the heiress, she still hasn’t quite shaken the feeling.

pop music is playing faintly overhead where she sits in the waiting area of the extremely exclusive pilates studio sooyoung is a member of. she’d been asked to come here so they could both go out for lunch afterwards, but it seems she’s arrived a little bit early. nobody is here with her but for an employee at the counter- who is, of course, a pretty young woman who looks excellent in her company polo shirt- and a few other empty, inhospitable-looking chairs that seem to have been going for a “modern” design theme.

after a while, seungwan becomes aware that the receptionist is looking at her.

“do you have an appointment?” the woman says. it’s clear what the question actually translates to.

_do you belong here or not?_

“i’m waiting for someone i know,” seungwan answers, as diplomatic as she can manage, but she knows she’s right in dreading that it doesn’t feel like enough.

“who is it?” the woman probes nonchalantly. “i can tell you when their session will end- ”

the door leading to the rest of the exercise space swings open, and out comes sooyoung, looking more chiseled than a greek god in just a dark sports bra and yoga pants, a streetwear-brand duffel bag slung over one shoulder.

“park sooyoung-ssi,” seungwan says in a rush, keeping her voice down as much as she can while she scrambles to her feet. “you’re done now?”

sooyoung glances at her, recognition gleaming in her eyes despite her facial expression not changing in the slightest. her neatly tied-up bun bobs as she nods, directing a haughty look the receptionist’s way.

“let’s be off,” she says, and utters nothing more as she continues to stride towards the exit. seungwan obediently follows, unable to help a snicker under her breath at the hasty _have a nice day!_ stammered out by the staff still behind them.

maybe it isn’t so bad to be in this girl’s shadow after all.

“i hope you weren’t getting hassled,” sooyoung comments once they’re out on the street. their pace has slowed to an unhurried amble now, and it lets seungwan get a good look at sooyoung. at the disarray of her flyaway hairs from a session of focused exercise, the slight glistening of the last remnants of sweat on her neck.

ugh.

“i can handle myself,” seungwan grumbles, even though, yeah, maybe she can’t always manage that. it’s not like sooyoung needs any reminders of the fact. “where are we going?” she adds, because she’s kind of just been walking after her like a lost puppy for the last few minutes.

“there’s a place right around the corner that i really like,” sooyoung answers readily. “serves some terrific health food.”

seungwan wonders, once they’re settled into a booth at a tropical-themed café and handed their organic chicken flatbreads not too much later, just how many of her interactions with sooyoung are only going to involve buying things. food from imported chains like this, too pricey for her to have ever cared about in the past. clothes of a style that she… doesn’t really need urgently. other luxury outings that she’d never have imagined herself on before.

she watches sooyoung take a sip of her berry-flavored, protein powder-enhanced workout recovery smoothie, and concludes it’s going to be a difficult thought to get out of her head.

“it doesn’t feel exactly the way i thought,” she says, in an attempt to start up some conversation.

“what does?” sooyoung questions. her shoulders bunch inwards for a moment as she shivers under the restaurant’s air conditioning, turning to pull a sporty jacket out of her equally sporty bag.

seungwan takes one last chance to enjoy the view of sooyoung’s muscles lightly flexing before the jacket is over her shoulders, her now-untied hair falling about her face like a shot out of a movie as she tosses her head and settles back into her previous position.

“what we’re doing,” seungwan finally says, after that long, long moment. “like, our arrangement.”

“it is a first for both of us,” sooyoung agrees. “i think i know the feeling. do you… well, do you _have_ any expectations that i should know about?”

“oh,” seungwan blurts, “i don’t expect anything.”

she’s actually been thinking about how to respond to that question almost since the night they decided to try this, so the answer comes out entirely too quickly. thankfully, if sooyoung notices, she doesn’t remark on it.

“i mean, this isn’t even anything that important, right?” seungwan continues, laughing nervously. “i’m not your...”

the word _girlfriend_ chokes and dies in her throat. she clears it awkwardly.

“uh, i don’t expect anything serious, is what i mean. we’re both just getting what we want here. financial security, and- ” she pauses. “what is it you want, exactly?”

“this is something i had expected to come up,” sooyoung says, ignoring her question. “i was considering a contract, just to let us define everything in terms we were both satisfied with. i wouldn’t do anything you wouldn’t agree to.”

“a _contract_ contract?” seungwan makes a vague writing motion with her hand. “something we sign our names on, with, like, terms and conditions? and a lot of pages?” she pauses, incredulous, but sooyoung just stares at her.

“yes,” she says blankly, and seungwan realizes she’s being serious.

“oh.”

“there would be some given conditions. a little obvious, but still.” sooyoung holds up a hand like she’s about to start counting on her fingers. “both of us would reserve the right to terminate the arrangement at any time, first and foremost. and any sexual contact is only to be with the consent of both parties.”

“okay,” seungwan says, slowly, in order to not come off as too skeptical. “that’s fine.”

“things should also be kept confidential,” sooyoung adds. “whenever possible. for your own benefit just as much as mine.”

“okay,” seungwan repeats. “i agree. but, like- all of this is stuff we can just trust each other on, you know. you could just _ask_ me.” she laughs awkwardly. “i don’t know what you higher-ups do, but people like me usually just take each other’s word on things.”

for a moment, sooyoung doesn’t respond.

“i see,” she finally says, with the kind of disgruntled look one usually gets when an earnestly, deeply thought-out plan is immediately deemed ridiculous.

for a second, something new twinges in seungwan’s sooyoung-related mess of feelings, which usually consists of confusion, nerves, and confused, nervous arousal.

sympathy. it’s _sympathy._ and a bit of guilt. she doesn’t want to hear that sour note in sooyoung’s voice. she likes her smile better, even if it’s only ever hungry or flirty. there’s still a warmth to it that’s better than whatever is making her scowl off into space right now.

seungwan has never been able to just sit back and ignore people’s wants, and it’s clear that sooyoung wants her around, for some reason. enough to take time out of whatever ridiculous rich-person schedule she follows to _draft up paperwork_ , bless her. seungwan can’t think of any person that she would willingly do that for. not even seulgi. 

she also can’t figure out what sooyoung actually gains from their little thing that she couldn’t get from literally anyone or anywhere else, which makes her curious. curious enough to go along with whatever the heiress might want, at least while she’s able to handle someone else taking up so much of her time and attention.

after all, it’s bringing some real, genuine fun into her life. it’s also rather interesting, getting to add being a sugar baby to her list of life accomplishments. particularly when she’s in the “care” of someone of such high quality all around.

“contract or not, i’m still in, if that’s what you look so worried about,” seungwan says, trying to keep her voice encouraging. “it sounds like we’ll both have a good time.”

that seems to do it. a little flirtatious implication perfectly dispels the serious atmosphere that had been starting to form around them.

“we will,” sooyoung agrees, the tension draining from her face. “i’ll make sure of it.”

she smirks.

“i know plenty of ways to show you a good time.”

that’s better.

“oh, i’m a simple girl. i actually get kind of uncomfortable when people pull out too many stops to please me.” seungwan gives sooyoung a sweet, innocent smile- the kind she’s certain will push her buttons just the way she seems to like. “you’re just so good at pleasing me, i think i’ll make an exception.”

sooyoung blinks, looking surprised for a moment before her smile comes back. it’s even wider than before- a big, toothy, cheshire cat grin. “oh, we’re off to a good start,” she says. “i do like you, son seungwan.”

seungwan’s heart skips a beat. it’s nothing she hasn’t heard before at this point, but the words still send just as much of a thrill through her as the first time, much to her chagrin.

_i like you, son seungwan._

_i like you-_

“since you like me so much, how about you tell me what kind of things you’re interested in paying for?”

  
  


**soo💚:** _if you could wear it today_

 **soo💚:** _pretty please_

 **son seungwan:** _i thought you wanted us to try groceries today??_

 **soo💚:** _that doesn’t mean you can’t wear it..._

 **son seungwan:** _i just don’t think it’s the right time_

 **soo💚:** _so there will be a right time, then?_

 **son seungwan:** _you’re insatiable_

 **soo💚:** _and you’re a tease_

  
  


dependence was always going to be a slippery slope, with what they’re trying to do. not codependence. just plain old dependence.

after all, if seungwan gets too used to sooyoung handling _every_ little expense life throws her way, it raises some very concerning questions about what would happen if they ended up on bad terms. her life might take a nosedive for the worse.

despite the clear risks that they’ve already brought up to each other, they’re still easing right into all of it anyway, so she’s found herself here, staring down a cut of red meat. pasted on the glass between her and the slab of raw beef, there is a price sticker with a hand-written number on it.

as so many new things have recently, it makes her feel a little unsettled.

“are you interested?”

sooyoung is peering over her shoulder, looking down at the same place.

“i was thinking of making bulgogi or something this weekend.”

“i see. something special going on?”

“i guess?” seungwan snorts. “i just wanted to do something nice for once.”

“well, i recommend the ribeye steak there, if you want _something nice._ ” a delicate finger taps on the glass just to seungwan’s right. “it’s a very quality cut for that kind of meal.”

“thanks,” seungwan mutters. “i’ll trust your judgement.” she makes to move away from her position in front of the butcher’s display, watching sooyoung politely wave the attendant over to make the purchase.

sooyoung is such a strange and confounding individual. simply having to hold it together in her presence feels taxing, like seungwan’s usual perfectly acceptable social decorum just doesn’t cut it with her. 

it’s not enough that she literally looks like a million dollars at all times. to make things more frustrating, when she’s not being incredibly forward, she talks in exactly the opposite way, like most of the words coming out of her mouth are being evaluated by a committee with a grudge against her. as if she’s been plucked straight out of a movie and placed into real life, where people don’t actually talk that way.

and she just has to be _helpful_ on top of all of that. all these conflicting things make it so that what she’s really playing at remains a mystery, other than perhaps, just… trying to prove she’s firmly on top.

and that’s kind of working, isn’t it?

even though that’s the whole essence of their arrangement, seungwan feels it needle at her, striking at her sore spots with pinpoint precision. and when you’re hit where it hurts, sometimes things are punched out of you. kneejerk thoughts voiced when they shouldn’t be.

“you know,” she blurts, “before we started doing this, my friend told me everyone said you were a man-eater.” 

they’ve moved past the butcher’s shop by now, and have spent a little time in a grocery store in the rich side of town for any last general-purpose purchases- it’s going to be their last stop for today.

“a man-eater?” sooyoung repeats, intrigued.

“not literally,” seungwan amends. she picks up the first thing within her reach- a chilly, plastic-wrapped cube of fish cake- to examine it deliberately, if only to distract from her painful awareness of sooyoung’s interested gaze. “more like you leave people out to dry. you ditch them whenever they start wanting more. that kind of thing.”

impulsively voicing the remark to sooyoung’s face floods seungwan with a sudden apprehension. but this is park sooyoung, here- she probably won’t give a damn about what anyone else thinks. especially not some unnamed stranger in a completely different sphere of existence.

she knows her intuition is spot on when all she gets in response is an amused chuckle.

“i didn’t know my reputation preceded me so much.”

“people talk,” seungwan agrees, taking a moment to enjoy the feeling of knowing something sooyoung doesn’t, even if it’s just rumors that she didn’t even hear firsthand. 

“i suppose they aren’t wrong.” sooyoung shrugs, seemingly unbothered by being known for stomping on hearts. “when people are too used to everyone else doing things the way they want… feelings can get hurt. it happens.”

as she quietly listens, seungwan’s unseeing eyes are still fixed on her fish cake. she blinks. shakes her head and drops it into the ever-weightier grocery basket hanging from her other hand.

“i take it you and romance haven’t mixed well, then…?”

“romance?” sooyoung scoffs. “i wouldn’t know. rich boys don’t give a damn about romance. here’s the thing,” she continues, seemingly with strong feelings on the subject. “everyone treats dating as a wargame in this sphere. you’re playing for your side to win, and you squeeze any good thing or pleasure out of it that you can, any way you can think of.”

 _boys._ right. the well-to-do corporate approach is clearly to push all the best first daughters and first sons together, avoiding as much controversy as possible. everything positioned for maximum strategic benefit. 

how positively soulless.

seungwan shudders. “sounds awful.”

“i’ve gotten through it fine so far.” there’s a bold pat over one of seungwan’s back pockets in the next second, the teasing touch gone before she can even protest. “i’m just happy i’ve found other ways to amuse myself.”

seungwan forces a smile. “nothing wrong with a little harmless fun.” 

they reach the end of the aisle again, and she turns right to aimlessly continue down the path leading to the other side of the store, listening to the sound of sooyoung’s heels on the tile, just barely out of sync with her own footsteps.

“bet the family wouldn’t be happy if they knew what you got up to,” she adds absently. 

“my family isn’t your concern,” sooyoung responds without hesitation, and seungwan stops. turns to look at her.

she seems… unamused.

shit, it seems like seungwan’s actually hit a nerve.

she curses herself internally. rule number one of interacting with any type of chaebol romantic interest, as evidenced in countless dramas and webtoons, is that you don’t mention family. there’s always some kind of baggage there.

not that she intends to _romance_ park sooyoung, or anything. even if it’s a little sad that the girl claims to have never experienced such a thing before. it’s just- that’s precisely the type of character she seems to be. tall, dark, and handsome, with a liberal dose of emotionally closed-off for good measure.

“sorry,” she offers lamely. “i won’t bring it up again.”

“it’s fine.” sooyoung’s smile is tight but polite. “just not a burden you need to bear.”

in her own way, as bothersome as she may be at times, she does have a certain charm to her. though seungwan has never been the type who’s that into it herself, it’s clear why people might end up so drawn to the hard-to-get. something about the simultaneous pushing away mixed with flirtation, the enticing pull in closer…

no wonder sooyoung has been such a hot commodity with the local students all this time. 

“you’re right in guessing that my family doesn’t know,” sooyoung continues. “nobody does, because that’s the way i want things to be, as we’ve discussed. but if it ever really comes up, i’ll say i’ve hired a personal assistant.”

“what, they’ll just believe that?”

“i take a lot of pains to stay under the gossip radar. a clean image will always need maintenance. if anything, they’ll be happy i have someone to help me keep it up.”

“and they wouldn’t suspect anything else was going on?” seungwan probes, dubious. “don’t a lot of you guys do this kind of thing…”

“not me. until now, at least- that’s the key here. besides, you and i, seungwan-ssi, we’re very different people. anyone can see that.” sooyoung motions at her, though seungwan isn’t quite sure what the motion is supposed to be pointing out, other than her simply existing in sooyoung’s vicinity. “even if someone were to spot us, i doubt they would have a clue what was really going on.”

who she is- normal, struggling, certainly not a snotty rich boy- does that so clearly make her the opposite of what sooyoung is accustomed to? an exciting, scandalous plaything to throw money at in secret, and get sooyoung’s mind off of her corporate stress.

seungwan isn’t sure she’s a fan of that. but she does like the money, so far. and... sooyoung. she’s getting used to being around sooyoung far faster than she should. 

who wouldn’t, though, if they were getting so spoiled. seungwan can practically feel her mouth watering at the assortment of quality ingredients sooyoung has been pointing out to her for the last hour, and not-so-subtly beckoning her to put on her tab.

though the heiress seems unaffected, seungwan can’t help but worry that even her single, unthinking mention of the park family might have shaken her place in sooyoung’s good graces.

hopefully her temper isn’t as fickle as one might assume.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	4. Chapter 4

there’s a lot to learn from their little arrangement, things that seungwan had never expected she’d encounter anytime soon. she’s starting to think self-help books should become a thing of the past. the real way to unlock new parts of yourself is getting unexpectedly showered in money. those who have experienced it would surely agree with her.

see, financial anxiety and physical pain share many qualities, and will often overlap with each other. cause each other, even. because it’s like- like living with an abscessed tooth. it hurts. boy, does it hurt like nothing else, and get in the way of your life. but you get so used to it that working around it becomes your new normal. it might fade into background noise. you may even forget it exists sometimes.

only when it’s out of the picture do you realize how much of a toll it really took.

seungwan snaps less now. over money, among other things. doesn’t have those defensive moments where it feels like she’ll have to throw a fit if she can’t insist on paying for herself as much as she can. med school still has her on edge as much as usual, but having to buy an overpriced, brand-new textbook edition isn’t even a blip on her radar anymore. 

the relief is startling. calling it incredible might be exaggerating a little, but seungwan can definitely feel it in a way she’s never experienced the feeling of relief before.

and then there are the gifts.

they started out as a trickle, but seem poised to become a steady, unceasing flow. first it was just money, wired to her bank account casually if she put in a request and a short explanation why, and a scattering of in-person purchases that seemed more like excuses to get her out of her house and into sooyoung’s clutches.

now, they’ve started to lean more towards an excess of _things._ physical objects. a hairpin or two here, a tiny and horribly pricey bottle of perfume there, all with more luxurious nights out at glittering, high class establishments sprinkled in. and they’re frequent, too. they see each other at least once a week at this point, although seungwan’s pretty sure that most people in her situation aren’t personally posted by the side of their… _sugar daddies_ , quite so often as she is.

seungwan has a creeping feeling that the first piece of jewelry might be right around the corner. the amount of time sooyoung had spent peering into the window of the tiffany and co. outlet they’d passed the week before had been extremely suspicious. 

it all feels unreal, like a fever dream, but seungwan has always been adaptable. she can feel herself settling into it. this was the reason she signed up for all this in the first place, anyway, and she’s starting to like all the expensive things too- even if she might not have any idea what she’s supposed to do with them. sue her. it’s nice, getting to be so indulgently selfish without any consequence.

she even has a growing pile of expensive lingerie now, after more outings to even more daring stores. the latest in her unorganized collection is powder blue, the most delicately flimsy piece yet, and has… many gaps in it. in many important places. 

she had never expected to lay eyes on anything like it in her lifetime, let alone own something so scandalous. but, in a pattern that’s becoming increasingly familiar, sooyoung had said the color would suit her, and dragged her away to pounce on her a few minutes later. she couldn’t exactly say no in the middle of a fitting room makeout session.

(she still hasn’t worked up the courage to try any of the sets on just yet, despite sooyoung’s pleas.)

for now, all of that is shoved in a box under her bed, which is where she usually keeps junk that she’s too sentimental to not throw out. she’s starting to run out of places to stash all her little presents, though, and that’s actually becoming a problem, because seungwan doesn’t like lying all that much. she tries to talk things out with her friends, be straight with them. it’s always safest to have things out in the open if you can afford it.

unfortunately, the prospect of trying to explain her _affair_ to seulgi terrifies her.

_hey, remember that girl you told me to stay away from? i actually slept with her. many times! and still sleep with her. and she’s paying for so many of my things that you might get mad._

_seul, can i get something off my chest? joy park- yeah, her- gives me money and buys me stuff, and we also hook up weekly in her giant penthouse, but she’s not paying me just for sex, it’s not like that-_

seungwan has run through a thousand different confessions in her head, playing them out in every setting she can reasonably picture them happening, and none of them seem like they would be successful. there’s no perfect way to do it, which obviously means the best option she has right now is doing nothing at all.

too bad it’s starting to eat her up inside. there’s only so many things she can hide in and around her own private space before she accidentally gives it all away. not to mention that trying to keep everything under wraps is also making her uncharacteristically paranoid.

when she catches yerim going through her wardrobe one day, she nearly has a heart attack.

“what are you doing?”

“hm?” yerim turns around, looking cheerfully innocent. “oh, hey seungwan unnie. what’s up?”

“kim yerim.” seungwan puts her hands on her hips. does her best to not betray the worried quiver in her voice. “are you snooping around in my closet?”

“excuse you.” yerim mirrors the motion, contorting her face into an overly disapproving grimace that, for the record, does not resemble seungwan’s face in the slightest. “i’m allowed to do what i want without you _interrogating_ me.”

“it’s my house,” seungwan points out. “and my closet. so what are you doing going through my stuff?”

“you borrowed a blazer from me, remember? because you had a presentation with a dress code and our sizes are close,” yerim says matter-of-factly. “i decided to finally come get it back myself since it’s been, like, forever, and you keep forgetting about it. seulgi unnie let me in.”

shit, she’s right. seungwan sighs. she’s been so busy with school and all things park sooyoung that she’s been forgetting about some other parts of her life. like the little demon seulgi somehow adopted into their friendship when she was in a gaming club a few years ago.

seungwan does adore yerim, but seriously. little demon.

“i found what i was looking for,” yerim adds. “so you’re off the hook there. but i found something else, too.”

turning back to the closet, she pulls out-

damn it.

“this is cute,” yerim says, eyes wide and inquisitive. “looks like louis vuitton… is this real? where’d you get it?”

as if to add insult to injury, seulgi walks in a second later, bemused eyes landing on what yerim’s holding- a couple of hair clips. they're part of a set of three engraved with a pattern of a certain “LV” emblem, which sooyoung had offered her in a sleek little box as one of the earliest gifts between them. seungwan hadn’t asked about the price back then, and has done her best to keep the thought of tiny hair clips costing far too much out of her mind. 

it’s mostly worked, except for the times that she opens the box up and zones out into perturbed blankness as she holds them in her hand.

shit, did she not put the lid back on properly after staring at them earlier? no wonder yerim found them so easily. as mischievous as she can be, she wouldn’t intentionally violate someone’s privacy, which can only mean seungwan is the one who was foolish enough to not double-check.

“what’s that?” seulgi says, a split second after all of the previous thoughts race through seungwan’s head at once.

“seungwan unnie has super fancy designer stuff she hasn’t been telling us about,” yerim says immediately, and seungwan scowls at her.

“does she? how weird and sneaky of her to hide it from us.” seulgi’s narrowed eyes dart between her and the pins, although it doesn’t seem she’s overheard their exact nature. “you know, now that i think about it, you’ve been disappearing a lot lately. i didn’t want to ask- ”

“then _don’t_ \- ”

“but where did you get this?”

seungwan flounders for a few seconds. she had just been strategizing about how to deal with this, yet now that it’s upon her, she has no idea what to say.

“son seungwan.”

seungwan freezes under seulgi’s stern, disapproving stare.

she doesn’t think she can lie about it. as slow as she might seem at a glance, seulgi is actually one of the smartest people seungwan knows. her goofy best friend can be very, very perceptive.

“i, uh. yes?”

here it comes. her dirty little secret is about to get exposed.

“have you been developing a bit of kleptomania lately?”

sometimes, though, seulgi can also be really, really clueless.

“seul, i didn’t _steal_ \- oh my god.” seungwan buries her face in her hands. “i really didn’t do that.”

“i mean, i know money’s tight,” seulgi chides, in that way of hers where it’s scarily difficult to tell how serious she is, “but a life of crime isn’t the answer. what if you get arrested or something? you know that only means more expenses.”

“i _said_ i didn’t steal it!” seungwan exclaims. “it was a gift, okay? no stealing! they’re knockoffs, anyway.”

“oh, a gift? from who?”

“a friend!” seungwan glares at them. “that’s it!”

“but seungwan unnie,” yerim pipes up, “aren’t we kind of your only- ”

a hand slaps over yerim’s mouth courtesy of seulgi, muffling her next words. 

unfortunately, the end of that question doesn’t have to be said aloud to be known.

it’s not like it’s all that wrong, either, but seungwan still bristles at it, brow furrowing indignantly. seulgi evidently notices, because she starts pushing yerim out of the room without even hesitating, grumbling an apology under her breath.

in the meantime, seungwan does the only thing she can think of, tuning out the muffled sounds of seulgi trying to scold yerim outside.

she’s typed it out only to delete it so many times, a text of _can i come over?_ comes to her easily. a reply comes in only minutes- just the way their communication always is, since sooyoung’s primary goal seems to be to enable her impulsiveness as much as possible.

_of course._

  
  


the incident bothers seungwan all the way over to sooyoung’s place. it manages to keep nagging at her even when she’s swept off to bed with her not-girlfriend’s customary brusqueness.

“wait,” seungwan pants breathlessly, “hold on a second. park sooyoung. i want to ask you something.”

sooyoung lifts her head reluctantly. “can’t it wait a little?” her cheeks are dusted pink, hair pleasantly disheveled from seungwan tangling her hands into it. 

stunning, as usual.

“we were just starting to get busy,” she points out regretfully, and seungwan wilts at being the one who _had_ to put the very nice things happening right now on pause.

“i think my friends are catching on to us.” she spits out the words as quick and embarrassed as she can, just so they can get past this quickly. “catching on to me, whatever. either way, they might figure out what’s happening soon.”

“okay,” sooyoung agrees, her face growing more serious. “so there’s a privacy risk for us, then.”

there’s something so casually, unthinkingly callous about that response. _privacy risk_. please. sure, in theory prying eyes could very well jeopardize sooyoung’s blank slate, but really, seungwan just doesn’t want anyone to know that she’s doing this. doesn’t want to be forced out of the comfortable bubble where she can pretend this isn’t ridiculous.

it feels as if sooyoung has completely excluded herself from the exact nature of what they’re doing. almost like it’s never occurred to her how little others might think of seungwan if they found out- even her own closest friends.

how aggravating. and not in the way that usually leaves seungwan irrationally craving more.

“yeah, they can keep a secret if they have to. it’s- it’s not that big of a deal. can you just...” with her brain still fuddled with arousal, seungwan scrambles to think of how to express what she wants in park sooyoung’s own more impersonal language.

how are you supposed to say _please ease up on the gifts_ to someone whose entire relationship with you is being your purchasing power?

seungwan winces. decides to try a different angle, that might get at least a similar message through.

“can you try not to leave marks?” she offers, hesitant. “um, on me?”

“oh. i thought you enjoyed that.” 

sooyoung pouts, and god. even her _pouting_ is unfairly beautiful. 

“do you not like it?” is what comes next, mournful and contrite.

“no!” seungwan cringes at how quickly the response comes out of her. “i mean, of course i like it. i, i like all the things you do. just not where everyone can see. please.”

“ah.” sooyoung nods in understanding. “so, keep away from here?” 

her fingers brush over seungwan’s shoulder and collarbone, drumming in a _tap-tap-tap_ sensation lightly against her skin. 

“and aaaall the way up here?” 

warm fingertips trail up the side of her neck, skimming all the way up to her jaw before coming to rest there, unmoving.

“yeah.” seungwan shivers at the feather-light touch, thinks of others’ eyes lingering on her curiously. “those would definitely be problem spots.”

“i swear, sometimes you just bruise like an overripe peach,” sooyoung laments. “it’s kind of fun marking you up. but if you don’t want people seeing anything, i understand."

there’s a devilish grin on her face, the kind that tells seungwan she may regret asking for even this basic illicit-relationship courtesy, and she shivers as sooyoung leans closer.

“does it make you feel dirty?” the other girl pushes. “that one look at you and everyone will know what’s behind your cute little nerd act?”

sure it does. but there’s… more to it than that.

feeling dirty is one thing, after all. but feeling ashamed is another thing entirely.

“no, that- i was just trying to- ” seungwan flushes. “it’s not about that.” she feels her face heat up even more as she squirms under sooyoung’s weight on her, under the discomfort of her conflicting feelings, and turns away to try to hide it in one of the fluffy pillows nearby. 

“look at you,” sooyoung coos, planting a smacking kiss on her cheek. “so embarrassed. it’s okay to have dirty thoughts.” out of the corner of one eye, seungwan catches her smile widening greasily. “especially if they’re about me.”

“you wish,” seungwan mumbles. even so, she stays where she is, neck bared- hopefully not for bites- as sooyoung lowers herself onto her again.

“oh, i do.” sooyoung sighs the words out warmly. affectionately, even. “i’ll be waiting for the day i get to you, you know. when you like telling me everything you want, just how you want it.”

seungwan squeaks despite herself when there’s a quick, sharp nip at her pulse point- just enough to startle, but not enough to linger.

at the sound, sooyoung laughs low with satisfaction. 

“i think that’ll be so much fun,” she whispers, like she’s confiding an exciting little secret, and leans in to press her satisfied smile up against seungwan’s throat.

  
  


she hadn’t known at the time, but that had ended up being a gateway visit. 

seungwan had no intentions of letting it turn into a habit. truly, she didn’t. but she’s been dropping by sooyoung’s more and more often, just whenever the urge strikes her and she isn’t so far away that she can’t justify it.

unfortunately, that’s most occasions- at least, her mind seems to end up convincing her as much. she can’t get herself to stop, either.

plus, sooyoung doesn’t discourage her from it. if anything, she seems to enjoy the experience of seungwan constantly coming to her. even teasingly offers to up seungwan’s pay rate for all the overtime she seems intent on pushing through, what with her always being around.

she could almost spin it as being like going to a friend’s, since they don’t end up getting intimate every time. 

not _every_ time. maybe that’s progress.

(so much for any hope that the two of them could keep each other in line somehow.)

with her visits comes learning more about her mysterious… benefactor? there has to be some kind of polite yet non-creepy way to describe her, but seungwan has definitely not found it yet. in any case, sooyoung’s penthouse is large enough that it can be explored a little. something in seungwan isn’t satisfied with the bedroom and brief flashes of the main space being the most she sees of such a large, attention-inviting place.

she’s not sure what she expects to find when she quietly pokes around here and there. she’s not exactly hunting for the park family’s dark secrets or anything, nor does she think that they’ll be lying around for her to stumble upon, if they do exist. sooyoung’s clearly far too smart for for such an amateur move.

it just seems so strange how the spacious apartment is almost like a furniture showroom, immaculate and picture-perfect. and completely devoid of any objects that would take away from that, personal or otherwise. if it weren’t for the large and very full wardrobe attached to sooyoung’s bedroom, seungwan would say it doesn’t look like a place where someone actually lives. 

there aren’t even any family photos to be found sitting around the place, although sooyoung’s reaction when seungwan had mentioned family was more than enough explanation for that. to this day, seungwan still has no clue what sooyoung’s sisters look like. the only reason she could even recognize the girl’s parents in a lineup, or knew she had sisters at all, would be thanks to some late-night snooping on naver, peeking at the very few articles sooyoung’s name happens to appear in- mostly dated ones about the park family coming into ownership of their corporate subsidiary.

as off as the environment feels, she’s still gotten comfortable there. enough that she doesn’t realize how much time she’s been spending wrapped up in all things sooyoung until it’s too late.

her academics have managed to creep up on her, in that nefarious way that they often do. she’s a perfectly fine student, even a high-achieving one when she has the energy, but a strange and exciting new relationship being thrown into the mix has left very little energy for star student seungwan to make her appearance with.

a warm flush still fading from her face, seungwan sits, fully dressed, on the couch in sooyoung’s… living room? there’s kind of an open-air layout going on in the place. in one hand she clutches a test prep handout, her brain failing to take any of it in as she waits for sooyoung to be done with her phone call. she was going to bid a quick farewell and flee their booty call as fast as she could, but apparently the park family’s business associates had other ideas, and she would rather not leave without at least saying bye.

it would be nice if things could hurry up a little. seungwan has got ailments of the eyes, ears, mouth, and nose to memorize and review, a dizzying swirl of scenarios and symptoms already swimming around in her thoughts. if she’s going to even try to get this crammed into her head, she’s got to vacate the premises.

“consider the following case,” she mumbles, reading off a page halfheartedly. “12-year-old patient, no history of bruising or bleeding, brought in multiple times for- oh,” she says, looking up to see sooyoung watching her, “hello.”

sooyoung doesn’t answer, just comes around to quietly settle next to her. seungwan fidgets. unbidden, her nerves kick into high gear.

maybe she should be keeping this stuff out of sight. maybe sooyoung wants all her focus on her, doesn’t want tedious things from seungwan’s normal life to seep into their arrangement, and she’s going to call her out, or-

“you know, looking at them up close like this, i have to say i like your piercings.” 

sooyoung leans in closer, nuzzling into her side. the effect is much like a purring cat trying to lay itself out obtrusively on her homework. 

“there’s quite a few of them here,” she continues conversationally. “in your ears. you like getting them?”

“i get them when i’m stressed,” seungwan sighs, playing along. “it helps, somehow. most of them are from the last couple of years, ‘cause of school and all.”

“interesting.” sooyoung hums. “does it hurt much for you? are your ears sensitive?”

“i-i mean,” seungwan manages, stumbling over her words as teeth drag over the shell of her ear experimentally, “it always hurts a little, i guess? it’s no big deal by now, i’ve gotten used to it.”

“have you ever gotten turned on?” sooyoung presses. “when you’ve gotten a piercing? i’ve heard that can happen.”

“what?” seungwan tries not to roll her eyes, because of course that’s where this is going. she’s so got to get out of here. “no, i haven’t.”

“whenever you get a new one,” sooyoung continues, like seungwan didn’t say anything at all, “next time you feel the need, you should think of me when they stick you with it. i like the idea.”

“i’m sure you do.” a weak, reproachful scolding is tacked on at the end of the sentence, unspoken, but seungwan knows sooyoung hears it loud and clear.

“it’s a nice mental picture.” lips close around her earlobe and seungwan squirms, body going hot all over quite against her will.

“i have to go _home,_ ” she whines as sooyoung’s arms snake around her waist. “you said i could go study.”

“you just look really cute when you blush.” she can hear the slight disappointment in sooyoung’s voice. “what if i changed my mind?”

seungwan has been content to play along with sooyoung’s teasing. the heiress buys her things, takes her places, lavishes money and attention on her- it’s easy to keep herself sitting through it without any complaints. even if it’s difficult to tell just how much of it means anything.

and yet, she's noticed by now that every seemingly thoughtful gift and nice night out is bracketed by innuendos, dirty flirting to work her up and fluster her. maybe it’s not the intended message, but seungwan really doesn’t need any more reminding that she’s only around to get fucked, eventually. 

it shouldn’t bother her. she walked into this telling herself this was just something she could use for her own gain. a mutually beneficial arrangement for both of them, where she arguably gets much more out of it than the other party does for herself.

it shouldn’t bother her.

but it does.

“too bad. my mind’s made up.” seungwan pushes sooyoung and her wandering hands away. for a moment, she wonders if the rejection stung, if sooyoung’s even reacting at all, but she keeps her eyes down on her handout, avoiding any chance to find out the answer. “and i’ve got work to do, so if you could please _let me go_ \- unless you want to enjoy my soothing recital of…” she narrows her eyes at the small print. “the appropriate measures to handle acute epistaxis.”

a beat passes.

that might have been a little bit harsh.

“i have work to do too,” sooyoung finally says, unhanding her and standing up. “i understand. but you can totally stay here, if you’d like. we don’t have to bother each other.”

why does she sound so composed and at ease when seungwan’s just bodily shoved her away? she can get so difficult to read. seungwan still can’t help but wonder if that unbothered exterior is concealing some kind of inner hurt or resentment. if she thinks too hard about it, reads too much into things, sometimes it almost makes her feel bad for being so prone to bickering with this girl.

the self-sabotage of it all.

“if you insist, i guess,” she says, bemused, as sooyoung ducks into her room again. her legs suddenly seem to not want to move out and away from this environment, even though she’s already established that she will certainly not focus very well here.

this class is turning into slow death by information overload. it feels like her head is about to burst, and honestly, the last thing she wants to do is look at any of this for another second. she has no idea why anyone would want to be present for her suffering.

but sooyoung is back, settling down nearby with a laptop balanced on her thighs and looking at her expectantly, as if she would actually love to hear seungwan mutter about medical jargon to herself. 

might as well give it a try, right? get a good amount done here, then head home and rest a little before getting back to it. she can catch some extra resting time on the bus ride back instead of spending it staring down despondently at her exam material and getting nothing done.

it turns out it’s perfectly reasonable to stay here a little longer after all.

seungwan flusters at sooyoung’s attention despite herself, and turns her attention back to her notes.

“given patient’s pronounced nosebleed, the best initial step would be application of direct pressure to the…”

  
  


maybe it’s too soon to be asking this. seungwan hates to make herself out to be some sort of hot-and-cold type, especially when _sooyoung_ seems like the one who should be erratic and hard to deal with in their dynamic.

but that last test really did not go so well.

to be fair, the grade was what one would probably call “decent”. not the end of the world, and she’s been excelling in most of the course’s assignments up until this point. the number was definitely lower than her usual grade range, though. something about seeing it just made seungwan’s stomach turn. where there’s one slip-up, more, and worse ones, will almost certainly follow if you don’t figure out a better approach.

if her pre-sooyoung self had been told this was her future, she would have thought it was a joke. to think she's been shirking what’s basically her life’s work to hang around doing nothing with her... fuck buddy. her rich, intelligent, attractive, annoying, strangely _endearing_ “friend” with benefits...

she doesn’t like that one bit. it’s too much- too much of a departure from how she expected to be handling all of this.

so seungwan decides that she wants to try putting her foot down, asserting herself a little more strongly, just as an experiment. it’ll be good practice to see if they can spend just a little bit of time apart. besides. in the distant future, there will come a day when she’ll most likely have to end all this herself, and that’s going to go very badly if she can’t even work up the nerve to make herself heard on simple things.

that’s how life works, isn’t it? even things as good as this eventually come to an end. only to be expected, especially from an arrangement like theirs. 

giving it all a test on neutral ground seems like it would be best. somewhere that gives as little advantage as possible to either of them, so they can both be on the same equal footing. unintentionally, sooyoung ends up picking a perfect location: a relatively new restaurant, extremely upscale of course, that she remarks she’s never been to before. it sounds like the best that seungwan will be able to get.

the interior is painfully rich-looking even at a glance, the air practically given a golden, gleaming hue by the warm lighting above their heads reflecting off the pale furnishings. fitting, because it’s for the type of fine diner interested in chocolate covered strawberries for dessert, juicy and sweet to perfection. 

_chocolate covered strawberries._ the menu calls them “gourmet.” eugh.

even without considering the chocolate fountain, the place is set up so posh, like something straight out of every rich snobby stereotype in the book, that seungwan almost loops right back around to loving it. things like this are totally not supposed to be experienced by people like her, who are so out of place just existing in them. she’s not even a damn doctor yet.

unfortunately, sooyoung and her sweet tooth genuinely do love it. very much so, it seems.

“you can be a little bit distracting.”

“am i? my apologies,” sooyoung says, swallowing down her last strawberry treat. she doesn’t look apologetic in the slightest.

“well, it’s not really your fault,” seungwan continues, “more on me and my discipline, i think, but- can you _please_ stop doing that? i’m talking.”

sooyoung pauses in the middle of sucking the last bit of stray chocolate off her fingers.

“hmm?”

“you know what i mean- ” seungwan grimaces, face reddening as sooyoung slides her fingers out of her mouth with a satisfied smack of her lips. “anyways, i’d just like a week or two without any of our usual outings. so i can get myself together a little. and, you know, not fail my classes.”

“oh, i understand.” sooyoung smiles. as bratty and forward as she can act at times, seungwan’s not sure if she actually prefers this instantly agreeable side to her or not. “you have a life outside of this. can’t get in the way of that.”

“you’re not _in the way_ ,” seungwan huffs. “it’s just a tiny break. barely even any time. sometimes relationships need breaks.”

“ooh, a relationship.” sooyoung bats her eyelashes at her, and seungwan tries not to acknowledge that she’s only digging her own grave deeper by the second. “is that what we have?”

“of, well, a kind. just- not, you know, a _romantic_ one- ”

“i’m messing with you.” sooyoung chuckles. “that’s fine, so just let me know when you’re free again. i’m also going to be very busy, very soon," she adds. “just like you. it would be good for me to have my favorite distraction out of the picture for a little.”

“your favorite,” seungwan echoes, unthinking.

“oh, without a doubt.” sooyoung sighs. she sounds lost in thought. dreamy, almost. “it’s so nice, being with you.”

wow, she’s actually admitting to that publicly. for a second, everything feels different, light and airy and warm. seungwan feels herself soften a little. maybe she’s been casting too much judgement on this girl.

but then sooyoung smirks, and the illusion shatters.

seungwan knows exactly what she’s implying with that little look. might as well have added a wink and a _doing, you know…_

she swallows down the indignance that sputters up in her and nods, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world to agree on. 

“right.”

all in all, the attempt seems to go well. sooyoung doesn’t seem bothered by the idea of the break, and doesn’t push the matter. they even make it out to the car without incident, making meaningless small talk as they walk to the part of the parking lot housing sooyoung’s now familiar mercedes-benz.

maybe, seungwan thinks, she can finally have a little bit of peace and detachment. time to recollect herself and figure out what she really wants from this, what she wants from park sooyoung, and how she can get out of this with her sense of self intact. and her heart. that might very well be at risk at some point, very far in the future.

but when the heiress corners her against the side of the car and kisses her senseless until they’re both red-faced and glancing around furtively for bystanders, _just one last time for the road_ , she gets the sinking feeling that she won’t be able to get rid of her that easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me here! send me comments, feedback, anything you'd like:  
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	5. Chapter 5

most days, sooyoung would say she’s happy to have something to do. she thrives under pressure, works best when her back is to the wall. but there are still times when life making things harder for her feels unwelcome. just like now.

family and connections gets you a lot in this world. sooyoung is no different. after surviving a grueling business degree program many would be loathe to choose, even with nepotism paving their path, she was transplanted straight into the heart of the company to get professional experience. in other words, she’s been locked into doing exactly what her family thinks she should be doing: trying to seem like the most dutiful little heiress in seoul.

she’ll be obligated to actually be in charge of things someday, of course. there isn’t exactly another eldest park child lying around that can do it instead. but that day remains far away, and everyone who currently has power is loath to give it up for some _recent graduate_ , connections or not. 

really, her job right now is optics. to sit around and look good, or at least as good as brats like her can manage, to anyone and everyone around her. 

she doesn’t want to do any of it. she doesn’t want to have to visit this office as if her “authority” means anything here, she doesn’t want to be constantly on edge around the professionals meant to shape her into greatness, and she sure as hell doesn’t want to answer any more emails.

for a moment, she closes her eyes. the sight of her desk- not exactly a personal room, but her own bubble of space nonetheless- is replaced with the dark of her own eyelids as she lets out a quiet sigh.

if she had known _girl problems_ would be thrown onto her existing pile of issues, she might have convinced herself to not get into this mess in the first place.

what she really wants right now is... she wants to seethe. she wants to whine and groan and complain. she wants to wriggle under her covers and fuck herself until she’s sick of it. really, she wants to do whatever will burn this unfounded agitation out of her, and fast.

business is not included under that category. if anything, it’s been building the pressure in of her mind, until it feels like her thoughts are swelling up uncomfortably against her skull.

sooyoung leans back into her unforgiving office chair, scowling, and thinks about her mother saying _if you keep doing that, your face will get stuck that way._

the memory has lingered with her for a long time, from childhood all the way into her adult years. schooling her expressions has long been a skill of utmost importance in her life. somewhat recently, the thought had even inspired her to make an important decision: to do something, _anything_ new that would make her life a little different, in some kind of meaningful way. because otherwise, it would surely remain stuck this way forever.

at the time, she definitely hadn’t expected to make a change as massive as son seungwan.

the arrangement hadn’t been planned, it had just- fallen into place, the night of that unexpected visit. seungwan had looked so much like a cornered animal, huddled sullenly in front of her with bravado visibly deflating. it was disheartening. all sooyoung had really wanted was to dangle something tempting in front of her to get her to loosen up, make her a little open to talking. that’s all. she just wanted another chat.

and now they’re here, and they’ve been doing a hell of a lot more than talking.

a phone rings, startling sooyoung out of her contemplation for a second. out of habit, she looks around to make sure nobody has caught her being distracted, and… isn’t even given a second glance by anyone in the room.

right. she might as well not be here. 

back to what she was just obsessively revisiting.

she’s always made a point of being meticulous with everything that comes her way, so it was only natural that she did a little research. her review was quite exhaustive. there were several moments she felt a distinct sense of relief nobody cared for her online search history.

despite the effort, the way it’s all played out has been nothing like any of her sources- the fiction, the anonymous forum posts, the real-life gossip straight from a few socialite acquaintances. there are no racy photos to get her heart pounding in meetings, no daring appearances at her office, flying in the face of being discovered. in fact, seungwan seems intent on avoiding sooyoung’s life as much as she possibly can. 

so sooyoung doesn’t exactly feel like an executive on a power trip. the whole thing is much more mundane than she had expected, aside from it being a little too much fun to throw around nice gifts. that’s a new indulgence that she’s been enjoying.

the times she does get some thrills in are always when she’s actually with seungwan, in the flesh. whether they’re out and about together or have managed to make it into a room alone, even just being with her feels so exhilarating. probably from the thrill of knowing their not-so-proper little secret is hiding so effectively in plain sight. 

still, though. not exactly what she’d imagined. even though business may barge its way into the free time they share, in contrast, seungwan barely intrudes or gets in the way of anything at all, no matter how much sooyoung might wish for it.

although, indirectly, she sort of _does_ get in the way. she clearly doesn’t seem eager to win any more of sooyoung’s favor than she already has, yet somehow… sooyoung can’t stop thinking about her. hasn’t stopped since the night they first met. 

it hadn’t surprised her to literally walk into seungwan at la rouge a few weeks after their encounter. she’d been quite relieved, since she had taken to visiting the club a little too often to be reasonable until they finally met again. it’s like the woman’s had a grip on her thoughts ever since, staying on sooyoung’s mind despite constantly pushing her away with some well-timed save or snippy retort.

and now- now she wants a break? from what, exactly? being in good company? being _spoiled?_ sooyoung can’t understand it. it doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense. 

unless, of course, seungwan is trying to make an escape. sooyoung has heard enough to know how fleeting these little affairs can be. people start to feel cowed by how unbalanced everything is- hell, they might even get bored, if they’re a certain kind of person, although seungwan is decidedly not like that.

ideally, none of that is what’s happening. seungwan is the first person she can recall in a long time that she’s wanted to like her. not to defer to her, not to show her respect, not even to acknowledge some particular thing she’s done. the woman’s already checked all those boxes anyway, in her own way.

no, it would just be nice if seungwan liked her a little more. that would be a nice little cherry on top of her perfect life.

it’s not any more complicated than that.

  
  


thankfully, seungwan or no seungwan, there are still a few outings that sooyoung can look forward to. she’s been anticipating this one quite a bit, ever since her inner turmoil started really eating at her. you know, making her actually try to make sense of her emotions without other fun things to focus on.

she likes to have lunch with bae joohyun away from the company building, and from any prying eyes. not that they ever discuss anything top secret, exactly, but a little privacy goes a long way when you’re used to constantly being evaluated.

it’s not very often that she gets such a safe opportunity to talk about herself, unabashed. so unabashed that she hardly realizes her friend hasn’t been getting a word in edgewise.

“you seem excited,” joohyun observes from across from her, putting a stop to her too-animated description of how desperately boring the office is. sooyoung shrugs, in a manner that probably could have been a little more nonchalant.

“sorry. i have had a _lot_ on my mind lately.”

“it’s that woman you’re seeing, right? the doctor.”

“she isn’t a doctor yet, remember,” sooyoung corrects. “and we might not be seeing each other for much longer.”

despite appearing both terrifying and terrifyingly busy, joohyun makes an admirable effort to pay attention to sooyoung’s personal life. as an eldest sibling unused to having any other… elders, sooyoung had been rather put off when she had first met bae joohyun, the older woman herself first in line for the throne of her family’s medical manufacturing business. 

the intent by their families had been to give sooyoung an example to follow- someone trustworthy, already molded by their high-pressure way of life, that she could gravitate to. that, and to give the generally reclusive joohyun a connection to someone a little more sociable. in those respects, their now-strong friendship certainly made the whole plan look like a success.

however, as sooyoung grew it became clear that her and joohyun were as different as night and day. where joohyun was quiet and measured in her approaches, seeming almost like the ideal young CEO in the making, sooyoung would still make quick decisions and struggle to hide her emotions.

among other issues.

they remain close friends, though. close enough that joohyun is the only person in her life who knows she’s been seeing someone.

“it sounded like you were going strong last time,” joohyun comments, taking another bite of her subway sandwich. the two of them look rather out of place at a fast food joint, people occasionally taking glances at their expensive professional wear through the window right by their rickety white table. and yet, there’s something pleasant about being where nobody would expect to find them.

the feeling of normalcy is oddly comforting, even if it’s not quite convincing.

“i had thought so too, but she told me we should take a _break._ ” sooyoung makes a face. “definitely not a good sign.”

“did you try to ask about it?”

“she’s skittish, i told you that before. i didn’t want to apply any more pressure.”

joohyun’s eyes squint at her dubiously.

“you still could have asked about it. you could have found out _something_. it probably would have been fine.”

“i’m supposed to believe _you’re_ such an expert on communicating, and being personable?” sooyoung scoffs, nevertheless stung by how the words strike true. “give me a break.”

“you’re always disrespectful to your elders when no one important is around. i don’t know why i still put up with you.”

“because you love me, maybe?”

“sooyoung-ssi, that was a rhetorical question.”

sooyoung waves off the dismissal. joohyun is certainly the blunt type, which she’s never minded, but treats her with more bark than actual bite, which sooyoung can also appreciate. it’s nice to banter without wondering whether her head will get ripped off.

“what was i supposed to do, anyway,” she continues frankly. “tell her to her face that i’m lonely, and… well- ” sooyoung glances around and lowers her voice. “ _horny_ , and i’ve never had a girlfriend?”

“you’ve never had a girlfriend,” joohyun repeats.

“not officially, or anything. doesn’t mean- ” sooyoung scowls. “now you’re just nitpicking.”

“i was about to say, i think we both went to the same private school at some point in our lives.”

“right. expensive, all girls, with those catholic school uniforms.” sooyoung sighs wistfully. “i miss it.”

“those were better times,” joohyun agrees. “simpler ones. but you can’t graduate your way away from people now. a real relationship is a meaningful commitment.”

“it’s more of an agreement between us,” sooyoung corrects, again. joohyun really has this all wrong. “easy to break, and she’s already made the first move towards that, so…”

“but you told me you’re being the perfect sport. buying her whatever she wants, taking her out... sounds fine.” joohyun frowns at her. specifically, she aims her _i-can’t-believe-you-park-sooyoung_ frown at her- an expression sooyoung has become very well-acquainted with over the years of their friendship. “unless you actually did something to hurt her feelings, this probably has nothing to do with you.”

“if i’m so perfect,” sooyoung retorts snidely, “explain to me why she wants to get away from me.”

“maybe you were being overbearing,” joohyun suggests. “i can see a little of that in you right now.”

they lapse into silence for a few moments after that. sooyoung glances around to see if they’ve drawn attention, but nobody really seems to have noticed. a miracle, considering that joohyun can get damn loud when she really wants to.

this won’t do. trying not to look displeased, sooyoung wracks her brain for some kind of change of subject.

another minute passes. joohyun’s little bag of chips- an uncharacteristic indulgence- crinkles loudly. she’s close to done.

“you seem to be doing well,” sooyoung offers lamely. “forgot to ask how the bae corp’s been doing.” it’s obviously an olive branch, extended out joohyun’s way, but it’s also a reluctant admission of defeat. _you were right_ , without saying the exact words.

“the company’s in a stable position at the moment, lucky for me. that means i don’t have anything interesting to report. but, you know, i think lately i miss having someone around.” joohyun’s brow furrows in thought. “should i be following your lead? you seem pretty smitten.”

“you’re making me sound like a teenager.” sooyoung harrumphs and doesn’t push it, mentally assuring herself they both know how false that assumption is. “but, yes, i’ve been having a good time. as we’ve already established.”

“well, do let me know if anything interesting comes up...” joohyun clears her throat. “when it comes to having a _good time_. although, remember- i don’t like acting out as flagrantly as you do.”

“she’s mentioned a roommate,” sooyoung informs her, offering the first thing that comes to mind. “pretty sure the roommate is single.”

joohyun’s phone buzzes from her bag, and they both perk up at the sound, senses honed over the years to detect the slightest indication of work calling.

equally in sync, a sigh from both of them follows.

“simply fascinating. i can file that little fact away for later, i suppose,” joohyun mutters. “it seems like our time is up for now, sooyoung-ssi.”

“we’re always forced to part too soon,” sooyoung sighs in mock disappointment. “very tragic.”

“if you want my advice,” joohyun continues, choosing to ignore the same remark she’s probably heard a hundred times over by now, “you should follow along. wait things out and see where the time takes you.”

“so i’m supposed to just sit there and let myself get ghosted?”

“no, you sit there and figure out what you really want out of… whatever you’re doing.”

“i’ve been _trying-_ ”

“i know.” joohyun holds up a hand, stopping her from repeating herself. “but figuring that out will really settle it, right? either you’ll realize how much you want to go and get her, or you’ll be fine if she passes you by.” 

there’s a odd sense of finality to the words. like she’s presenting sooyoung some kind of stark ultimatum, even though this isn’t a super-serious matter or anything. that’s a little uncomfortable.

the worst part about it? she’s totally right, too.

“we’ll see,” sooyoung allows.

“it can be like- ” joohyun grasps for the words for a moment as both of them start to get up from their seats. “like a cleanse, or something. to clear your head.”

“i can’t exactly wipe away everything i think about her. things like that stick. but fine, i’ll humor your elder wisdom. just for a little longer.”

“what a dear you are, as always.”

“and you’re as sweet to me as ever.”

that makes joohyun’s dry tone soften, just a little, as she gathers the wrappers left on their table into one of her small hands. “i do hope you can work it out, you know,” she adds, before sidestepping to the nearest trash can, just out of earshot.

“you’re not the only one.”

“hm? say something?”

“are you hearing things, now?” sooyoung grins at her friend. “got to get those old ears checked out, bae joohyun-ssi.”

“i’m not dignifying that with an answer,” joohyun mutters, and pulls the door open so they can both start making their way back to their obligations.

  
  


even after a little more time passes, the story remains the same: park sooyoung has tried something new, recently, which is actually doing what she’s told. the result has been… lukewarm, at best. if only what she was doing actually felt more fulfilling. maybe that would put a little pep in her step.

her immediate family is stationed in a corporate subsidiary, responsible for tedious logistics and shipping of goods that help keep the bigger machine going. the founding family of the whole group are part of the same park clan as her own. the connection is just tangible enough, and just good enough of an icebreaker, that a generation or two ago, with the group still in its infancy, a few lucky relatives of sooyoung’s smooth-talked her family’s way into what would eventually become a very comfortable spot.

essentially, she owes everything in her life to coincidence and quick thinking. sounds about right.

there are benefits to helping run numbers properly, sure. they get to remain mostly untouched by tug-of-war games for founders’ and investors’ favor- probably because they’re already in a good spot, and aren’t in the mood to throw it away over petty corporate catfights. having friends high up also pays handsomely. can’t go wrong with that.

but despite everything being in its proper place, sooyoung’s found herself unable to avoid a, well. _discomfort._ a distinct lack of purpose, outside of concentrating on business and status, and trying to convince everyone of how perfect she is.

it’s been at its sharpest ever since she started seeing one son seungwan. that, she knows for sure. 

what was that joohyun had called her? 

_smitten._

sooyoung’s lip curls into a now-familiar scowl. she’s not entirely sure whether it’s one of repulsion, or one of resignment, but either way… surely this can’t be her fate. she should take charge and stop this compromising. all it would take would be one call. even just a text.

the thought has occurred to her before, during the few minutes when she’s ready to turn in for the night- nights just like this one. it would be easy, if only for the part of her that still can’t bring herself to do it. the one that still remembers how much seungwan seemed to enjoy setting rules and distances.

god forbid sooyoung come off as _overbearing_ all over again, right?

rain is coming down tonight. water droplets cling to the massive window in sooyoung’s too-open bedroom, warping the lights of the city. all the glass usually bringing in welcome sunlight and warmth now seems to be letting cold air seep through.

sooyoung shifts under her covers. thankfully she’s warm and comfortable, taking in the sight from where she’s curled up on her side.

dialing a particular contact on her phone is still tempting right now. very tempting. but other thoughts surface and get in the way. how is seungwan doing tonight? sooyoung can’t help but wonder about it. is she asleep? awake, despite the late hour? whatever her own place is like, is there a bit of a chill? sooyoung has never had the pleasure of visiting. insisting on playing the excellent host under all circumstances kind of ruled that out.

it’s now been a couple of weeks with silence between them. not a big deal for people as casual as they are. besides, the woman said a break, so a full-fledged, no-contact break she will get, since that's what she seems to want. park sooyoung is a woman of her word.

unfortunately, without seungwan to reach out to and bother on a whim, or drag off to one of her favorite haunts, sooyoung has practically been bored to tears. she’s had to spend entire days left alone with her thoughts again, no matter where she’s going or what she’s doing. what a horror.

instead, she’s been idly reminiscing some of the moments they’ve had with each other. times where she missed things, too focused on making sure the woman was grudgingly pleased enough to keep on coming back.

from those thoughts, she’s even managed to realize something. even after all their encounters, seungwan hardly ever says her name.

and that was… it didn’t exactly hurt her feelings, but it felt odd, given that she perks up at every variation of _park sooyoung-ssi,_ _miss park_ , and the works much like a trained dog. sooyoung can only recall being addressed by name a couple of times, the syllables tumbling out unthinkingly in seungwan’s warm but ever-reluctant voice. always polite, as if trying on purpose to keep familiarity out of it.

it causes a bit of a twist in her heart. a twist of irritation, obviously. after all the stops sooyoung has eagerly pulled out for this woman, all the fun she’s been having getting to know someone with an actual personality, the least seungwan could do is act like she’s also enjoying her presence.

sooyoung knows full well and good how it feels when your effort goes dismissed.

you know, scratch her last thought. maybe all of this _has_ hurt her feelings a little bit. who could have anticipated that?

“damn it,” she says aloud, for lack of any other ideas. rolls over onto her back and huffs reproachfully at no one in particular. 

was everything around her always this uninteresting? she has just about anything she could ever want, and it’s not going anywhere.

if it’s losing its luster already, she’s in big trouble.

“damn it,” she repeats again, voice carrying up to the ceiling in the quiet of her room.

there’s no answer, of course. just the insistent tap of the rain against her window, and the sound from below of the world moving along just fine without her.

  
  


this office building never fails to put her on edge.

there can be something off about the place that houses sooyoung’s… responsibilities. the structure is a little older, and the recent attempt at renovations doesn’t feel like it’s settled properly yet. in the upper floors, home to the only people she has any obligation to report to, there’s an unwelcome feel and scent like the interior of an airplane, metallic and a little nauseating. it about fits how she’s feeling right now.

oh, this is bad. she’s starting to get dramatic. 

sooyoung straightens from where she’s leaning against a wall in exactly such a hall, waiting for one of the check-in meetings she’s not too fond of. where someone high up in the ranks prods her to spend her time more productively, and inquires when she’s planning on taking this _seriously_ , and pretty much makes every polite, family-ordered jab short of _what’s wrong with you.  
_

the constant pushing did get under her skin, years ago. back then, though, at least she could deflect it by pointing to her younger age. now, it’s an unavoidable nuisance.

the door beside her opens, her appointment now done with his phone call, and she lets out a sigh. it’s time to just sit down and wait things out.

“there’s been a change,” is what’s said to her first, as soon as she’s settled into a chair. she raises an eyebrow. 

“a change?”

“consider it a to-do list. things for you to take part in, a little more proactively.”

great. this approach again.

“well, mr. jang,” she says, her grin cloying and a hint too sweet, “i’m all ears. you know i’m always interested in pitching in.”

“you’ve certainly demonstrated something to that effect, yes,” her latest overseer replies, his answering smile too small and too tight over his face as he starts launching into a description of what’s to come. 

just as she’d expected, she’s being wedged into the team of logistics managers he sits at the head of. required meetings here, important phone calls there, having to represent the company and network in place of her parents, since that’s of course what she’s best for… sounds tiring, but nothing she hasn’t been made to do before, whenever they try to tighten her leash a bit. they even tried having her do double-duty like this when she was still in school.

sooyoung starts to tune out the details. she’s heard most of this already, and a to-do list will surely be coming her way later anyway.

see, she’s realized what’s going on with something else in her life by now. she’s come to the important conclusion she definitely wants seungwan- _actually_ wants her, wants to go and _get_ her. she isn’t just going with things because seungwan happens to have a pretty face, just so she can fill up some time in her life and move on when she ends up in a pinch.

things sort of started out that way at first. the night they first met, seungwan’s lips were slick and shiny after she gulped down more of her drink, and as she swiped her tongue over them nervously sooyoung's first and only thought was about being impulsive. of pulling her off into a corner, where it would be just the two of them and also the dozens of other potential witnesses in la rouge that night.

there are expectations of her, imposed ever since she could properly understand them. to keep a clean image, to go quietly with what’s asked of her, to always put allegiances and a long-term strategy first. to get together with a nice young man who’s part of a nice, well-established family, and let him take care of her whenever possible.

sooyoung has always enjoyed the moments she doesn’t have to care about any of that. when the only eyes on her are ones that she’s never met before, equal parts nervous and intrigued. thankfully, it’s not unusual for rich girls like her to be a little wild. one could even consider it _in character._ as long as she doesn’t do anything too suspect, like, say, spending months throwing money at a woman she doesn’t really know, fooling around never has any pressure around it.

something about that night had… gravity, though. it felt realer than any of the previous times she’s spent on the prowl, slinking around smirking at pretty people.

whenever she dwells on it, it feels rather comedic. the mighty ice princess joy park, chronically unimpressed with seoul’s most eligible wealthy bachelors and all they’ve had to offer, finally ended up charmed.

by someone who hadn’t known who she was, that she’d even existed, until that very night. a rather ordinary woman, no less.

her first instinct is still to describe seungwan that way, because being ordinary isn’t a bad thing in itself. seungwan doesn’t just look the part, she clearly _is_ a perfectly normal human being, who engages with her world in perfectly normal ways. but _ordinary_ is also rather a disservice to her. after all, she’s smart, attractive. works hard. doesn’t give up. even entrenched in their arrangement, which has her positioned squarely at the bottom of the totem pole, she’s clearly fighting tooth and nail to keep as much dignity about her as she can.

honestly, sooyoung might be a little jealous. any such scrappiness of her own has long since been ironed out of her. right now it’s practically all she can do to passive aggressively play hooky and make faces.

“it’s been agreed it would be prudent for you to be more present here,” mr. jang continues. “and to contribute. establishing yourself early on will be something you appreciate in the future, park sooyoung-ssi.”

“i’ve been _establishing myself_ here for as long as i can remember, sir.” sooyoung eyes him dubiously, already on the verge of drifting back into her thoughts at this familiar lull in conversation. “doesn’t seem like it’s sunken in yet.”

the look she receives in turn is weary. he knows how she feels. good to see things balancing out.

“that was a basic outline of your agenda. the details will be coming your way as time goes on.”

“thank you.”

a beat passes. 

sooyoung’s lips purse.

“ _sir_ ,” she amends, to little effect.

“we’ll have regular check-ins like this to go over the status of things. expect the notice in your inbox and on your calendar soon.”

after that, sooyoung is kicked rather enthusiastically out the door. back in the stale air of the hall, she lets out a breath of relief.

that was all perfectly fine with her. at least this time she didn’t end up getting lectured on something- interest is regrettably one of the few things she’s not that good at faking.

sooyoung hadn’t just been posturing that night at la rouge. making a strong impression on her really isn’t easy to pull off, and that means her mind’s now set on understanding the _why_ of it all- figuring out just how big of an impression son seungwan has truly left, and how she can leave one right back. 

to think that the one time she actually gets involved with someone fun, she seems to have lost her grip on everything ever drilled into her about making friends and winning people over. can’t even keep a normal friend with benefits without considering she might have jeopardized the whole thing. just another laughable happening in her life.

setbacks aside, sooyoung hasn’t come this far in life without becoming pretty good at reading people, and the way that seungwan… just the way that she _is_ around her, it doesn’t lie. there’s got to be the same want there too, behind all the formality and the shuffling awkwardness. something she can make a move with.

sooyoung would normally jump to use that kind of information to her advantage. the “dating” scene in her life, as more tactful people might refer to the regular cycle that tests her compatibility with other heirs, has a much more objective slant to it than the way people normally court each other. 

she tends to lean on such things to get herself out of commitment rather than into it, though. figuring out how to be too cold, too obviously conniving, just a little too much for someone, somehow- all time-honored strategies of discouraging both suitors and their families. but this is not the type of thing she’s used to. this is a brand new type of game, and the stakes are undetermined. so far, at least. for all she knows, they could be the highest she’s ever contended with.

absently, her fist clenches where she stands in front of the elevators, waiting for her ticket out of here. her competitive streak hasn’t had something this fun to work with since her fight for academic honors in business school.

seungwan doesn’t even have any tactical advantages to give her, if sooyoung is thinking about things in that way. just a dent in her bank account, a potential killing blow to her image, and a precarious problem on her mind.

funnily enough, it all just makes her want to win even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for waiting. have you missed me? send me comments, feedback, anything you'd like:  
> [ [twitter](https://twitter.com/superheroau_twt) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/superheroau) ]


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